Are you a walking target?
Wherever you go in life, you are being watched by people whether you are aware of it or not. Most people are harmless, but statistics show us not all people are. Do you pay attention to your surroundings when you are out and about? Or do you only do it when you are alone? When I walk on the street in some of the cities I train, I am amazed at how many people send off an unconscious message that they are a good target, if someone has bad intentions.
How do you send off a message that you are a good target? There are hundreds of ways I can think of, and I couldn’t possibly explain them all to you, but most boil down to appearing soft: distracted, unsure, not confident, showing fear, unaware of one’s surroundings, talking on cell phone, reading a tablet, listening to iPod, staring at the ground or not orienting yourself to the movement around you for a period of time. You get the idea.
When you are out in a public place, it is important to convey the message you are rock solid and confident, and aware of your surroundings. Never appear lost. If you are, step off the street and into a quiet business where you can ask a friendly looking clerk where to go. Don’t stand out in the open and query people on the street. You are giving them free information and an invitation!
When I am alone and in an unfamiliar place, I also put on my game face. I put my shoulder back, lock my purse lightly under my arm and body, stand tall and walk with purpose. And I have a purpose! Touch me and I’ll draw more attention to me than you’ve seen in 10 years! I guarantee you I will be screaming FIRE at the top of my lungs (thanks JJ Bittenbinder), and I want anyone who has bad intentions to see that, too. I am not a soft target! Alert! Alert! Be on notice, Mister!
I often will do a 360 when walking or I will look over my shoulder to survey who is behind me. I will acknowledge with glances who is nearby and if I see someone threatening, I will either stop, pause and let them walk by, or I will stop in at a business for a minute to get in a better position behind the suspicious person!
I take notice of alleyways and recessed entrances, and if I am alone, I won’t walk close to those. I will purposefully position myself toward the center of openness. And if my gut screams that someone walking towards me looks ominous, I will trust it. I will cross the street, if possible or again, stop into a business for a second. I trust my gut instinct implicitly.
Many times I walk, however, I don’t spot anyone who has any intention to do harm, but I do see it from time-to-time and more than most people.
And I have spotted quite a few people over the years looking to target soft people in my presence. I have watched pick-pocketers try to hone in on my friends and family, and people I fear had the intent to cause havoc of some sort. More often than not when I see it, I will say, “Hey stop a minute” to the people I am with, corral them with my arm to position their backs to a wall, and then look the would-be troublemaker in the eye and politely say “Go ahead” as in find your next target–this game’s over! And when I debriefed the people I have been with, none of them saw what I saw, hence that is why they were a “soft target”. And I am most amazed that 90% of the time the people in my company did not even notice my dramatic change in my behavior when I noticed someone sizing them up! I often will do a 360, start glancing backwards more, or even start walking sideways to keep an eye on the situation as I continue my conversation in which I often get distracted and can’t continue. That’s most surprising to me.
We can never be guaranteed we won’t be a victim, but we certainly can take steps to lower the odds. What steps do you take?
I read ‘The Gift of Fear’ by Gavin de Becker that I found very useful book on intuition. What I learned helped me a number of times in some dangerous situations. Also after reviewing those dangerous situations I fine-tuned my listening skills with regard to my intuition. My learning can be slow sometimes but I always like learning.
Good advice, Eyes.
Yikes, I don’t usually take any steps. I’ve probably been very lucky so far as I often go abroad alone and stand in the street looking at a map at night. This is a good reminder to be more vigilant, thanks Eyes!
I love this topic! I just passed the 20 year mark living in NYC. These are some of my thoughts on how I’ve adapted. Actively, I rarely do much anymore. When you first come to the city, you learn the basics pretty quickly. Men; wallet and valuables in the front pocket (I think it’s been 22 years since I put anything in any back pocket) Women: purse across the body over the shoulder. Walk in straight direct lines–no meandering. Be aware of everyone, but don’t really make eye contact, but don’t be afraid of making eye contact. I knew someone who thought he should make a point of looking at everyone in the eye just so they wouldn’t think he was afraid. He came across like the psycho he probably was, but still afraid. If I’m lost, which can happen to me in Brooklyn or Queens, I pull over to the side. I get out of the middle of the sidewalk and stand near the door to a building or store while using my phone. I’ve never consciously thought about it as much as felt it was the right thing to do. It’s amazing because when you live here long enough, your instinct tells you very clearly what to do and how to behave. Every New Yorker becomes keenly aware of personal space literally to the inch. It’s a cramped place. Violate it, and you’re either a tourist or up to something. I could go on for pages about this, but I’d probably be only entertaining myself. I think the most important thing to do is make everything you wrote about second nature, and then, in whatever you are doing (even sightseeing), do with purpose. Then you can relax, somewhat. And then, if the possibility of trouble still comes your way, I think the single most important thing is to be able to switch gears on a dime. Going from laughs and smiles with friends in a compelling discussion on the street after an off-Broadway play, to “all mental faculties on deck”! Danger! I’ve seen this scene from the cult classic The Warriors countless times, but in real life.
I have a neighbor who apparently has a knack for picking up psychos. (Not exaggerating. I seriously was woken one morning by someone calling for help.) The neighbor insisted the fault lay in the type of person who they experienced mutual attraction with—and therefore spoke as if the options are 1. pick up a psycho, or 2. be a hermit.
I tried to explain some basic signals in this person’s basic body language that were pronouncing them easy prey…and thereby ran face-first into a major one: initial observation + assumptions get treated as fact, with MUCH repetition needed for them to acknowledge anything to the contrary. I get the impression that they don’t know how to use what brainpower they have. I therefore gave a heads-up that someone always saying the right thing is actually a red flag, because it means they’re reading you and want something from you. That “something” might just be for you to not hurt them, but that isn’t a response that my neighbor (or me) is likely to trigger.
Neighbor: My sister says I’m dumb, but I’m smart! I was going to [do something that was actually downright stupid].
Me: You aren’t dumb. You’ve made some dumb choices, but everybody does that. Making dumb choices doesn’t mean you’re dumb. It just means you made some dumb choices.
…which was the point at which they started listening to me a bit better.
The neighbor also had a knack for phrasing things to put them at fault for things they weren’t at fault for, while refusing fault for the things they were at fault for. They treated my responses as jokes at first, then gradually started adjusting their language. And realizing what they actually should’ve done, instead.
I’m about to move (to a city where I plan to walk more), so I probably won’t know how things turn out for this neighbor, but I hope I’ve at least managed to help a little.
But I’ve also been working at being more conscious about the signals I give with my body language. As things stand, I can think “self-assured” and pull it off—but how do I tell someone else to look “self-assured”? Thanks for the tips here, which is helping me spot things I do that I didn’t even realize were part of my “not easy target” language.
When I’m alone, I keep my body language self-assured—and I’ve managed to keep that even while fighting a panic attack. (Keeping your shoulders loose when you’re panicking is not nice on your lower back.) I have an abnormally large lung capacity for my size, so I can breathe fairly shallowly for me and still appear to be breathing normally to an observer.
When I meet people in fairly safe environments (like church or at a store at least a few miles from where I live), I’ll drop some “prey” signals, to check how much the other person’s watching. Most folks are oblivious. Some folks notice and sidestep it, or notice and get worried for me. But some folks…some react as if they’re sharks scenting blood, in which case I respond appropriately for my situation.
As a victim of childhood sexual abuse, I tend to be very aware of predatory men. I get a sense of those I should be afraid of and those who mean me no harm. I’ll cross the street if I feel that I’m in danger. It’s almost like they are a repelling magnet if they are someone I should fear. I seem to know which ones are the most dangerous, which ones I can walk by safely enough as long as I let them know I’m watching, and which ones I can walk by without any kind of worry. I carry my purse across my body, I look around, look behind me, stay aware of my peripheral vision, and make sure I have enough space between me and a possible assailant to run or get into fighting stance. I did take two years of martial arts. When I drive, I stay aware of who is behind me. When I unlock my car, I look around to make sure I’m alone. I look in my car. When I unlock my house, I look around to make sure no one is watching. I suppose this is a good thing, though it can be stressful being hyper aware of people. I’m very in tune to people’s body language. This was how I learned to protect myself as a child. It’s really hard for people to lie with their body language.