Mary Kay Letourneau and Vili Fualaau
Many of you have asked me to look at the Barbara Walters interview of Mary Kay Letourneau and Vili Fualaau. Many people saw a lot of emotions in Vili which they weren’t sure how to interpret.
When I watched Vili, I see a man trying to find himself after living a very chaotic life. I see a man who is still discovering who he is, who is confused about how society let him get into the situation he was in and has now ultimately ended up.
Vili explained in the interview that no one helped him through this difficult time. Even school counselors didn’t seem to know how. Plus he didn’t have a good support system in place at home either.
Furthermore, Vili said, “I don’t support younger kids being married or having a relationship with someone older. I don’t support it.”
This clearly indicates that Vili likely wouldn’t chose to live the life he has to date with Mary Kay Letourneau, if he could chose again, knowing what he knows today. And yet he has stayed. I wonder if he feels he has no one else? The world can be a lonely place. And then he has faced depression.
Mary Kay seems clueless about it. She seems to believe that by doing this interview she would convince the world they found “true love”. I am not sure Mary Kay even understands what love is, sadly. I see her as someone who goes through the motions, without forming true attachments. She clearly has a lot of issues herself, and is not the mentor Vili needs.
I think Mary Kay lives in an illusion, and Vili in confusion.
Mary Kay acted more like a mom then a wife to Vili–answering questions for both of them, and Villi seems to have gotten used to these dynamics. Why wouldn’t he? He was taken in by a woman who took advantaged and preyed him when he was very young and vulnerable.
I think we can assume the only positive support Vili got in his life was from Mary Kay (where the word positive is clearly debatable), and if she was his best option, you can understand his dire circumstances and confusion today as an adult.
I think Mary Kay has intellectual challenges, too, and perhaps Vili is slowly uncovering he may be the gifted one between the two of them. Without guidance, Vili has had a lot of adult problems to work through at a very young age. It has to make it doubly hard.
I hope Vili continues to find himself, and has the courage to step out into the world on his own. He’s faced a lot of difficulties in life, no doubt, but his life is really just beginning and if he is not happy, he should feel absolutely free to start again!
Thank you for posting this video! I’d been hoping you would talk about them but mostly for posting this video. I didn’t catch it on TV and have been trying to find it everywhere. This never even came up on my youtube searches.
I agree. She is his mother.
The mother he never had.
Wouldn’t be the first or last time that dynamic has existed in a marriage, although it’s usually not quite so readily apparent!
She has always seemed delusional, like she lives in a fantasy world. Their daughters seem normal though. I hope they really are.
Agree. I suspect when he finally fully comprehends what happened to him and her part in it, he will be very angry. So sad.
Now that I’ve watched this I can share my thoughts. They have a very interesting dynamic. They don’t interact with each other in an intimate way the way a couple would. It’s more removed like a familiar relationship. I don’t see how they could ever have an equal relationship given he was 12 and she was 22 years older when it started. I feel very bad for Vili, he obviously had a hard life and no real support. He made a few comments that were enlightening. When Barbara asked if he ever thought about not marrying MK, he said no, not at that time. So at some other time he felt it? He also gave his daughters advice because some times you think you want something and then years later you won’t. He doesn’t support marriage or relationships between adults and younger kids but he was/is in one. I’d be surprised if this relationship lasted too long after both their kids are adults and out of the house. Maybe he feels like he needs to give his kids the stability he never had.
Sorry so long, I even cut some of my thoughts lol.
I’ll bet that’s right. He wants his kids to have stability, with both parents. Odd that MK is the strict one. It seems like neither one of them wants their children to go through what they did.
Agree with delruel. He said no (implying he truly doesn’t). Society wasn’t kind or helpful towards their union. Actually as much as a scandal this was, I sincerely don’t see a problem in their union. For what MK went through in her life (after meeting him), she tries to be positive. I don’t think I can handle what she went through and still be positive. (Positive can also mean denial of reality). The past should remain in the past. I just hope society won’t be so cruel on them.
I think Mary Kay may live in a world of denial, I agree. She knows that she doesn’t want their kids to go thru what they went thru, that’s for sure. I don’t think Vili would be m easy partner, however, because of his negative feelings and resentment about having too much on his shoulders so young. Men have a way of suddenly erupting in anger, at times, when they are resentful. He has to know that Mary Kay should have been more responsible and shouldn’t have ever let their situation happen, in the first place. He was sooo! young.
Vili seems more mature than Mary Kay. She comes across as a perpetual child. I think she needs this relationship to work to prove to the world that she didn’t make such a huge mistake after all. And Vili needs it to work because, as Eyes said, maybe he has no one else. As childlike as Mary Kay seems, I get the sense that she has a strong maternal instinct, which Vili may need, esp if he never really had that prior to meeting Mary Kay. Had she thought less of herself and more of her family and students, she could have saved them both a world of hurt.
Why that woman isn’t still in prison is beyond me. Everything about her seems predator-ish. And that outfit she wore in this interview is beyond the pale.
her enunciation and babyish phony voice makes me cringe. They are on 20/20 for the money- and, like has been said, she wants so badly to prove herself to the world, but all that was accomplished is showing how utterly miserable her victim is.
I recently heard that grown women who tend to use a babyish voice, were, more than likely, victims of child abuse.
he doesn’t come across happy. sad to see.
wow their answers about each other were so awkward
“Mary is just Mary”, doesn’t sound too flattering to me. I have the feeling that Vili is the leader, here, when he takes a stand on something. He is, most likely swayed by her in a lot of their family life decisions, however.
I think their children may be the ties that has bound them together all of this time. He needed a mother for his childre , when Mary Kay got out of prison From the sounds of it, he was a little desperate.
You are right. He needed a mother for the little girls and himself. He was desperate for stability and she brought it by providing the dollar dollar bills. She still knows how to bring the money in when they need it. He needs to feel safe. It’s sad.
I perceive her talking about children as thigh they are fully functioning adults. I wonder if she truly internalizes that a 6th grader “being assertive and wanting a response” to an affair offer can and should be turned down, not encouraged.
The most striking thing for me very early into the interview is how mismatched their facial expressions are. He doesn’t smile.
Barbara Walters aggravates me. “Are you still depressed?” “I don’t know” “Are you feeling sad?” Why does this matter? There are many different kinds of depression. A chemical imbalance in the brain will not be indicative of wether or not somebody regrets his actions.
It was emotionally difficult for me to watch her because she is very much
like my mother. My mother suffers from a delusional disorder. Not
psychotic but she was so badly abused that she is simply unable to feel
emotion. So she simply creates it.
So when Barbara asks her what she likes about Villi, I saw a flicker of
disassociation. Her childhood trauma taught her to cope
by disassociating. So when asked to verbalize emotion this does not come natural for her. She must craft the response rather than speak spontaneously. I think if she were to ever truly feel the brevity of her actions-
she might never recover.
Being raised as she was, upper-middle
class, catholic, ties to the political sector…there is much pressure
on children (especially on girls) to be perfect and to portray the
perfect “family image.” I think we see this in the interview.
When I watch Mary talk, I feel like she speaks a little too deliberately. She overly enunciates her vowels and ‘S’ sounds. Her eyes are constantly blinking, head nodding slowly as she speaks. Almost as if she were speaking to a 2nd grader:)
To me, she comes across as if she might mentally process information
slowly. Possibly some intellectual deficits. Or possibly she is
speaking deliberately, because she is is self-sensoring for this
interview.
Is she controlling, a narcissist? I have no idea what /if anything that could mean. Eyes…any thoughts?
I think Villi knows in his heart that something is terribly wrong with his life, but he doesn’t yet have the internal strength to handle this reality. But when he does…it won’t be pretty.
If they met now at her age and he at his, I’d not think a thing about it. Fine. Build a happy life as adults. But the way things started…. omg…. I haveno words.
Always been torn on this.
Part of me feels like, wrong or not, that these 2 are just drawn to each other. Like had they been the same age, they may have been the couple that starts dating in jr high and ends up married 40 years. Some people just have that bond.
But then when I was in my mid 30’s and single, just the idea of even dating someone in their 20’s made me uncomfortable. I did date a 22 yr old a couple times (he really pursued me) but found myself unable to connect with him and felt really uncomfortable with him. I ended it. I just felt weird.
So when I think about children, I really cat not understand. It makes me sick.
Then now, I have a son who is in 1st grade. Trying to imagine him dating a teacher in a few years disturbs me to no end.
His mom didn’t have an issue with it and that right away says a lot.
Also as a mom, being around for my son is important. I feel like no one will love himself care for him like I do. And while I am married to his dad, if I was single, I would never be willing to risk losing my son for anyone else.
I understand your conflicting emotions.
I feel the same.
Also, I feel that it is very, very difficult for an outsider to judge the dynamics of any relationship — even by those of us who consider ourselves “normal” members of society.
I noticed that several times during the whole interview Vili gave looks of disgust when asked questions by Barbara Walters, or in reaction to things Mary was saying. He also avoided Mary’s eyes several times when she would look at him. He also looked for approval before he answered certain questions. I see him trying to distance himself from her, trying to maintain individuality and not be consumed by her, yet showing a certain deference. They both gave such hedging answers and seemed so stilted. It’s reassuring to see that their daughters appear happy and normal, though.
She seems to be on some sort of medication and/or is not very bright.