My Thoughts: Poll on Deception Clues

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Now that all of you have voted on what you think are my biggest clues to deception, I thought I would share with you my thoughts.

I feel strongly that my two biggest tip-offs that someone is lying are inconsistencies in emotions, and odd word choices. These are what I believe are my two biggest clues.

Read moreNext I would have to say is inconsistencies in fact, followed by inconsistencies in personality/character, and microexpressions. The last two being interchangeable.

  1. Inconsistencies in emotions
  2. Odd word choices
  3. Inconsistencies in fact
  4. Inconsistencies in personality/character
  5. Microexpressions

Here are your thoughts:


Microexpressions aren’t all that common, or if they are, I don’t always consciously notice them, and I don’t blog about seeing them all that much. I have to wonder: Do I see them, register them into my equation, but I am not conscious of them? I don’t know.

I took a few minutes to review a handful of cases in my blog to see what clues I truly used most, and I have to say I was surprised. Of course this is nothing scientific, and could totally change if we reviewed every case I have discussed, but it is interesting nonetheless:

Anna Ayala’s son: inconsistent emotions, odd word choices
John Mark Karr: inconsistent emotions, inconsistent facts
Ted Haggard: inconsistent emotions
Britney Spears: odd word choices, inconsistent emotions
Howard K. Stern: inconsistent emotions, questionable facts
Adam Saleh: inconsistent emotions
Bobby Cutts: odd word choices, inappropriate voice inflection

What do you think?

Parroting

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You know what parroting a sentence is, right? It’s when someone repeats back to you exactly what they’ve just heard.

People usually do it for three well-known reasons: (a) because they didn’t hear you right the first time, and they want to be sure they heard you correctly. And when someone doesn’t hear something, they usually indicate that fact before repeating the comment or question in order to get the attention of the other person to ensure they hear it correctly the second time. Or (b) they consciously decided to use this technique in a personal relationship to improve listening and communication skills (but this is relationship-specific). Or (c) they don’t believe what you are saying to be true. They doubt you, question the stated facts, etc., so they parrot back what you said in the form of a question.

Most people are familiar with these reasons.

But few people realize that people also parrot things back when they don’t want to hear the response they got, or because they want to deny the truth.

It’s quite fascinating.

For example, if you question a robbery suspect and say to him: Did you break into the hardware store the other night? Aren’t these your gloves? Oftentimes a liar will parrot back to the investigator: “Did I break into the hardware store the other night? Are those my gloves?” At which time, the suspect may sit and think. The thinking is clearly visible to anyone.

The robbery suspect precisely repeats the question so that he has time to think through his answer. The robber isn’t consciously stalling for time—he just doesn’t know what to say, and so he naturally just repeats the question. Also, the suspect never asks for clarification due to lack of hearing.

More often than not, the parroting individual will look confused, act like he doesn’t understand the question as he repeats it, and will stammer for words when trying to come up with an answer. He may even repeat the question multiple times. After all, the suspect is confused. He didn’t anticipate this question, and he has no idea what to say! In this example, it is a hint that someone could be deceptive.

Why is that? The truth comes naturally and flows—fiction takes time to create. And unless the question is complex, there is no excuse for confusion or a lack of understanding when parroting back a simple question like “Are these your gloves?” An honest answer doesn’t require much thought, unless of course the question is complex.

You may also encounter people who parrot when they don’t like the answer you gave them. Parroting doesn’t have to involve a lie. It could be simple displeasure to your response.

For example, if a friend asks you if you want to go out, and you say, “Sure, I’d love to,” and as soon as you do, your friend parrots back, “You’d love to go out?” The key here is they have to put the question back at you, still in a question format. If they do, it’s an indication that they really don’t like your response, and perhaps didn’t really want to hear the answer to your question. It’s either that—or they are flat-out surprised that you want to go out. The content and response will indicate which it is. If they make a strong parrot back in the form of a statement instead of a question, that would indicate potential excitement that they are thrilled to go out! It’s rather tricky, isn’t it? In this scenario, the parroted response can have three meanings!

So, next time someone parrots information back at you, look at it closely: Did they not hear you? Or are they hiding something, not really liking what they’ve just heard, disbelieving you, surprised by your action…or, could they be fibbing?

Liar’s Eyes

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Approximately once a week, I review my web log (Statcounter.com) to see who is stopping by (IP numbers only), what they are reading, where they come from, and what searches are bringing people to my blog.

I think that every week since the first week I started looking, I’ve seen people searching about liar’s eyes. This week Google brought me people searching for:

can the eyes lie
eyes that lie
lie detection eyes
eyes and lies
how we can detect a liar from his eyes?
lie eye look to right

I’ve even been asked by readers if someone can simply have “lying eyes”, as in “I just don’t trust Jon’s eyes.” (in general). To skip to the point, the answer is no—someone cannot have lying eyes. That actually makes my skin crawl.

Imagine being born with eyes that people distrust. You’d be very unfortunate. It’s not like you can change your eyes.

The next question then, naturally, is whether you can tell if someone is lying simply by their eyes alone?

In short, it is not likely.

Eyes are expressive, and they express mood. However, when someone shifts their eyes, it could be for a variety of reasons other than deception, including, but not limited to, a sign of distraction, boredom, preoccupation, nervousness, insecurity, fear, and amazingly, when they are recollecting something! Yes, when people recollect things, they look out into nowhere!

I’ve even read studies that say that liars are more apt to stare at your eyes when they lie than to look away. This completely concurs with what I’ve seen, statistically speaking. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean that when someone stares at you when they tell you something, they are lying. It’s simply not that straightforward.

I, myself, would never call out a liar on eyes alone. I couldn’t do it in all fairness. I might notice shifting eyes or someone giving me a direct stare, but all that would do is prompt me observe the person a little closer. If nothing else alerted me as odd or unusual, I’d forget about it.

I’d forget about it!

Eyes can show excitement by a dilated pupil, and if this excitement is inconsistent with what the person is saying, that’s a red flag. In this situation, I’d ask myself: What could this person be excited about? I’d search for other potential causes that I might have missed. If I didn’t see anything, then I’d ask myself: What could they be excited about that perhaps they are trying to conceal? Last, I’d look to see if my answers fit my hypothesis. Sometimes they do, but sometimes they don’t. That’s about all you can glean from eyes.

Please, please, please—if you are judging someone by their eyes alone—stop!! You’d be much better off listening to what the person is saying. If the person’s behavior or story is out of character for them, ask yourself why? What would cause this person to react this way? Think of all the potential reasons for the behavior change—not just the one you think it is. Think through everything. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.

If they are doing something, and you suspect it, check it out further for yourself before you accuse. Get the facts. It’s the facts when misrepresented that will lead the average person to a lie quicker than anything else!

Is there one truth or many perceptions?

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One of my readers asked me this question: Is there one truth or many perceptions?

I believe there is only ONE TRUTH. However, there are many perceptions which people create when they hang on to little or no truth. You can perceive some pretty strange things when you count half the facts and/or reply on your emotions.

Nice to Meet You

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Upon first introduction, my wheels are spinning. I am checking you out, watching you — very closely — to get to know who you are. It isn’t always about what you say, but what you do as well. I’m not judging you in terms of good or bad — rather just trying to identify who you are.

I am unlike most other people you will meet because within a matter of minutes, I am able to tell you all about yourself. I will be able to describe your personality with about an 85% accuracy. I will be able to tell you things you never even talked about. You give me clues when you speak honestly and confidently — or when you lie — where your strengths and weaknesses lie. Without saying a word, you give me your moral code and fiber just by saying a handful of sentences in an individual or group setting. I also don’t have to talk to you to give you my summation. I can just be a bystander to the conversation.

When friends introduce me to other friends, they often freak out that I see so much when I start describing detailed facts about my new introductions.

It’s just who I am. You could blind fold me, and I’d still be doing it.