William Shakespeare
I think the single most important element that any human being can posses is empathy for others (people and animals) because without it, one is capable of doing great harm.
For those who are empathetic think of others before they deceive.
When I see a lack of empathy, I always proceed with caution.
Another clue to deception that I have consciously honed into lately is tone-of-voice and voice inflection. Take, for instance, the word “Hello”.
When you answer the phone, and you don’t know who it is, you say “Hello?” as a question.
When you greet a neighbor, for instance, you would say it as a subtle statement or greeting. Hello.
Yet there are other times when you say the word when someone does something silly, or ridiculous, perhaps without thought. You might say in your mind, “What were you thinking??! And then verbalize: Helll-lo! It’s a much stronger statement in this scenario. The inflection of the voice here is most notably different compared to the other two uses.
Yet all three are distinctly different. Try saying them and listening to yourself as you say them:
Hello? Hello. Hello!
Who knew that one word has different voice inflections—which cause the tone of one’s voice to vary when spoken—all depending on the meaning intended. You can exaggerate all of these as well and they will vary, depending on the circumstance used. I suspect we know about this, but we haven’t given it much thought, although we should. There are interesting implications to tone-of-voice and voice inflection.
It is precisely these distinctions that can clue me into people who are deceptive. When someone isn’t confident about something they are saying, or they are making their story up as they speak, some people will attempt to make a statement, but they will say it, unintentionally, as a question, if only through inflection and tone of voice. It’s rather interesting. It’s subtle; unless you focus, you may not catch it. I think many people miss these clues.
The worst offenders in this situation will often hesitate in their thinking, and their hesitation causes them to reaffirm what they just said by saying directly afterward, “Yeah, that’s right”, even though no one asked them for affirmation. It’s quite fascinating and telling at the same time.
Well, that’s all. Just crazy knowledge from deep within my brain that I am now becoming hyper-sensitive to. Who knew?
I think one of the biggest questions people have when I review someone who is potentially lying is how do I determine what is “normal” behavior?
Let’s face it, people react differently to different scenarios. This is absolutely true.
When faced with the loss of a loved one, for example, some people will sob uncontrollably. Others will be stoic and in shock—perhaps unable to grasp their loss—and yet other people might reflect in the sadness of their loss by talking lovingly about memories. And some will likely retreat and not want to discuss it. Another might be mad, especially if the loss was due to an accident or a crime. And still others may take charge and get down to business to solve the problem—working feverishly to get to the root if crime or foul play was involved, all the while without showing a lot of emotions.
All responses are completely normal.
So then, how can you be sure that when someone laughs or grins that the behavior is inappropriate? They could just be nervous, couldn’t they?
If someone has the finger pointed at them and they are being looked at as a suspect, couldn’t they be completely distraught because of that, and unable to speak about anything else?
Well, it depends. The most important question is: Is his or her behavior consistent across the board?
When people are faced with a situation, it is important to look at the big picture and then correlate all the pieces together. You know the rules that govern completing a puzzle—well, they apply equally to figuring out the puzzles of life, too. Look at people’s behavior, words, and actions: They are pieces of the puzzle. Do they all add up to the same picture? Are they consistent?
Often, in life as in the game, you may be working on a section and think you have the right piece of the puzzle, only to find you don’t, and it needs to be abandoned for the time being. What do you do next? You search for the piece that makes sense.
Life, like a puzzle, is exactly the same.
For example, if someone laughs and appears nervous, they could absolutely be nervous, but are they acting that way consistently? Are they giving off other signs of being nervous? Or do they only appear nervous one moment, and not another? Nerves don’t dissipate that quickly.
If they only appear nervous for a moment, something is fishy—something doesn’t fit. You have the wrong piece of the puzzle in your hand; armed with that knowledge, you have to ask yourself what would fit? What behaviors would be consistent? What piece of the puzzle makes sense when you look at the big picture again?
With Bobby Cutts, he had people looking at him closely, and while they didn’t call him a suspect, they were treating him as one. He was distraught. It’s completely plausible that someone in his shoes would act this way. But if you were that distraught over being looked at as a suspect unfairly, what would you do? Wouldn’t you declare your innocence for everyone to see? Wouldn’t you tell the world how and why you feel violated if you were that distraught over it?
What is normal behavior in a situation where you are wrongly accused? There is really only one behavior, universal to all people: defense of the truth—or at least legal representation advising you, or speaking on your behalf. While defense of the truth may have different manifestations, we will see it in one form or another if we accuse an innocent person.
With Cutts, we didn’t see it. Instead, we saw him hinting about it, or beating around the bush — but not speaking directly about it. This is inconsistent behavior.
If I accuse you, right now, of stealing $500 dollars, and you didn’t do it, what would you do? You’d defend yourself in any way that you knew how because you would feel violated. You wouldn’t beat around the bush, and hint at your innocence, would you? Absolutely not.
So while normal varies from person to person, one thing is true about all people: When we behave a certain way—when we are honest, our behavior, our actions and our words are consistent across the board. When we lie, however, inconsistencies glare up to the surface, begging us to ask why.
This weekend, I was talking to a neighbor who is home from college for the summer and we struck up a conversation around her love of dogs. I had heard at some point that she wanted to be a veterinarian and so I asked her if that is what she was studying since we are just getting to know one another.
“No, actually I am not. I had a bad experience working for a veterinarian and that changed my decision,” she told me.
Apparently, the vet clinic where she worked not only cared for dogs medically, but also groomed and boarded them — a common practice today. And they offered luxury boarding — the newest buzz of vet clinic pampering.
You have to admit, luxury boarding pulls on your heart strings as no one wants Fido to sit on a cement floor in a cage for 24 hours a day while we are off enjoying a luxury vacation. We want Fido to have some creature comforts, too.
So the clinics barrage us with messages like, “Board your dog in style in a doggy condo with soft, soothing music.” “Give Fido long walks — a half hour or even an hour two to three times a day.”
Isn’t that Fido’s dream – to get an hour long walk a day? Why not pay for the service while we are gone — so Fido can have some extra fun, too? Who doesn’t think of this when they board their dog? Most animal lovers do feel a twinge of guilt dropping Fido off as it is.
If you have a pet, you’ve probably seen the ads. Perhaps you’ve even boarded your dog or cat at one of these places. If so, please read on.
My neighbor said that when the customer left, the dog or cat wasn’t given a luxury condo suite as promised — nor were they given the half-hour or hour long walks that they had paid extra for.
Instead, Fido or Fiffie was hauled off to a crate where often, he couldn’t even stand — and put under the stairs, in the restroom, or in the closet — stacked one on top of the other — wherever they could stash him out-of-sight. And he wasn’t given hourly or daily walks either.
My neighbor explained how they would have over a 100 dogs boarded in the facility at one time — and there was no way the staff could walk all the dogs in one day — and so they would sit, caged up — for days — in horrific conditions.
She even explained how some people would ask to see Fido’s enclosure before they would leave — and how the staff would quickly move the dogs around — so the customer would think everything was okay — when in fact, it wasn’t. And once the customer left — what they saw was not what they got. Some enclosures would have four, five or six dogs in it.
This neighbor is a sweet person who truly has compassion for animals — and she said she tried hard to expose this practice — but her attempts ultimately failed and she told me she felt she had no other option but to leave, and it has since soured her desire to become a vet.
While you may never know what goes on behind closed doors — you can ask to have a look around the facility that you frequent. Take note:
This dirty little secret needs to be exposed!
