Delurking call/Open Forum

Okay, all of you visitors who lurk around here — and don’t say hi! Now is your time. Introduce yourself!

I don’t bite, really 🙂

Also, if you have any questions, comments, thoughts or ideas — feel free to share them!

Interesting Article

I read a blog titled Deception Blog from time to time… because as you would guess I am interested in the study of deception detection.

Yesterday this blog posted a link to an interesting article written by Dr. Paul Ekman, who is a world renowned facial expression expert. The article Dr. Ekman wrote was published in Sunday’s edition of the Washington Post.

You may find this article interesting. I certainly did. I think the SPOT program is an excellent idea!

How to Spot a Terrorist on the Fly

When I do not trust…

As someone who sees lies, I’ve stated before I am amazed at how when I meet people, I am positive, open-minded, and trusting.

You’d think otherwise, wouldn’t you? So would I, but I don’t. Even to my amazement.

I always give strangers the benefit of the doubt. And amazingly, I do not walk around the planet grumpy at all the lies I see. I may be sad, at times, because the lies represent an over abundant amount of troubled people, sad people, insecure people and people struggling to cope with the harshness of life, but I am never grumpy, mistrusting or edgy. I truly believe this is because I am confident I will catch a dangerous or impact-me lie when it rears its ugly head before it will seriously hurt me most of the time (Do know I do not believe I am infallible).

However, there is one arena in my life where I do not trust people. That arena is business, and only when I am the customer in the transaction!

When I meet service professionals or salesman, while I am friendly and extend a handshake, and I want to believe they are honest — I have uncovered enough lies in my lifetime to know better.

When money is involved in a transaction, YOUR MONEY, beware.

A-L-W-A-Y-S.

I say NEVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN. Ever!
(unless it is a relative or relative of a friend — then, well maybe…)

Be warned.

People, by human nature are greedy when it comes to the green stuff. Remember, we all need it — and when you are the customer — the main reason that salesman is working is to get that green stuff: YOUR GREEN STUFF.

When you sell a car, you don’t tell the prospective buyer all the reasons why he shouldn’t buy your car now, do you? Of course not. No one does! We each have to look out for ourselves. That isn’t to say someone won’t be honest if you ask the right questions, but that’s the key, you have to know what to ask, and what to say, and most people don’t.

But there are honest salesman, you say? Yes, there are. I’d say they are less than 10%, less than 1 in 10 — maybe even less than 1 in 20. You have to work to find them.

I have seen so many switcheroos, product fact lies, warranty lies, product misrepresentations, ignorance, b.s., etc., and plain old “sorry ” lies that I could write a book! People get taken more than any of us would ever want to know. To me, it is horrifying! And even with my abilities to see lies, I’ve been lead down that garden path. When it comes to money, these guys are good!

When we don’t know someone, and we aren’t connected to them in anyway, it is much easier for them to over charge, misdiagnose, misguide, misrepresent, etc. I believe it is human nature. Yes, human nature. Even good honest people get callous over time when exposed to the sterility of business. Business is a sterile arena in our lives. We don’t see the pain we’ve caused others by intentionally or unintentionally misleading, misrepresenting, or misguiding them. The process of dishonesty, in this area, sadly doesn’t bring many consequences to reprimand the behavior.

Furthermore, businesses are sure to pass the buck when it comes to blame. We’ve all seen it. “We didn’t know any better,” “The manufacturer didn’t tell us that. Talk to the manufacturer”, and the circle of blame begins!

My solution to this problem: Do your homework–no matter what you are buying. Know the facts, find the details, and be one hard negotiator. Become the expert on everything you buy. You don’t know how many times I have done my homework, and then listened to the salesman and knew instantly that the guy was ignorant, and bullshitting his ahem-off just to make a sale!

When you do your homework, then and only then are you likely to get a fair deal, and even that isn’t a guarantee that something won’t go down after the transaction and before delivery. Even that happens more than you’d want to know. But with a little homework and knowledge, you do scare off a large majority of problems.

Don’t want to put any effort in? You’re a salesman’s best friend!!

Duke University Rape Case

CBS 60 Minutes on Sunday night ran a story about the Duke University lacrosse team members who have been accused of raping an exotic dancer who was hired for a lacrosse team party.

I have not followed this story nor read about it since the news first broke — so when Ed Bradley of 60 Minutes told the story, I was intrigued — especially since the three accused guys were going to speak out. Furthermore, one of the two exotic dancers, Kim Roberts, was going to speak as well. The victim did not speak. Yes, only one dancer claims to have been raped.

For those who watched the interview, CBS 60 Minutes pretty much dispelled the belief for the average person (who doesn’t see lies) that the three guys who were accused on the lacrosse team actually raped the dancer. They gave the facts that the entire team (outside of one) submitted to DNA tests — and no one was found to be a match — including the three suspects. More than that, one guy had an alibi for the time in question which is verified on video surveillance — and another accused guy says he will give one in court.

When I watched the three accused lacrosse members speak: David Evans, Reade Seligmann, and Collin Finnerty; both David Evans and Reade Seligmann come across as genuine and honest — and everything they said was logical. There are no contradictions. I completely believed what they said. And with Collin Finnerty, while I don’t believe he lied, he was the most stressed and the most worried of all three guys — and says the least on camera. It makes me wonder what perhaps he might know. Maybe he knows something. Then again, he may just be the most nervous facing the news crews. I can only guess.

Furthermore, 60 Minutes reports that the District Attorney said once he got the DNA samples from the team, it would prove who was innocent, and he would drop the case for those cleared. But in fact, the DA hasn’t dropped the case. Instead he is moving forward — without any DNA matches and making a spectacle of himself. Rumor has it he used this case to help win re-election — as he needed the black vote (the dancers I presume are both black). He has even made an outrageous allegation that perhaps the rapists wore condoms — when the victim herself has made a statement that the rapist did not!

But it gets more interesting.

60 Minutes goes on to say that statements the two dancers gave to police, separately, have both been inconsistent and have changed on more than one occasion. What that would lead anyone to believe is the that the two dancers are lying — that the rape didn’t in fact occur, right? However, the two dancers DON’T AGREE about what happened. So who do you believe?

This is where the irony comes in. The dancer who is not the accuser in this case doesn’t agree or “recall” that the other dancer was or could have been raped. She didn’t say this early on — but that is what she says to 60 Minutes on this day. And the odd part — I don’t believe her statements made on CBS 60 Minutes to be 100% accurate, yet I believe the two of the three guys accused are innocent for sure — and the third one likely is too.

Ms. Roberts, one of the two exotic dancers, hits me as someone who is twisting the truth, saying half-truths and in general is being very evasive — and I would like to know why. While I don’t believe her, I am not sure her inconsistencies point to the fact the victim did get raped. Could this point to the fact she is covering something else up? What could she possibly know or want to hide??? I can only guess at this. I just sense something is up with her odd statements.

When Ms. Roberts spoke, I found it strange that I didn’t believe her, immediately, from the first few words out of her mouth — though at times, snippets of what she said I believed were true. It was almost instant and I can’t give a reason. Then as the interview went on, I believe it was a combination of her pouty lip that she curled downward as she spoke, the way she tensed her lips as well as the way her behavior changed during the interview.

At times, Ms. Roberts would speak directly at the camera — confident and sure. Other times, she would look down as she spoke — and her confidence vanished. Her voice changed from solid and steady to weak and meek! Her demeanor completely changed. When you are honest, this doesn’t happen out of the blue like this. It’s a big red flag.

DO KNOW these are not guaranteed signs of a liar — but in this situation combined with the other elements — the behavior was dramatically different within the same context — which made it unusual — and that is why I don’t believe everything she says. You have to ask yourself: Why was Ms. Roberts acting differently all of the sudden, for short bursts of time? Other times, Ms. Roberts smirked — and I found that odd and out of place as well. She smiled and grinned at odd times. These are all red flags that make me not trust her.

Furthermore, Ms. Roberts choice of words was telling. She said, “I just don’t remember that conversation happening ever”. I find the use of the words ‘that conversation’ interesting. So what was the conversation that she remembers?

Ms. Roberts goes on to say, “No, I did not say those words.” I find the use of ‘those words’ interesting. So, what words did Ms. Roberts use? She doesn’t volunteer.

Why the odd choice of words? Normally one would say, “I don’t remember that”, “I didn’t hear that”, “I didn’t say that”. It reminds me of President Bill Clinton, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”

When we are honest, we don’t speak that way. I suspect more went on at this party that all of the party-goers are keeping quiet — because if it comes out — none of them will look good. None of them — innocence and all. I think they all agreed to do some things (players and dancers a like that was perhaps illegal for both parties involved– and then things went funny, they didn’t agree about it, etc.). That’s just my two cents. It would explain all their behaviors. We may never know what happened behind closed doors… but I don’t believe these men are guilty of rape.

Steve Irwin Tribute

Steve Irwin was my one and only hero. He embodied everything I believed in: wildlife, animals, passion, compassion, conservation, family, honesty and integrity. He was an incredible human being…

…the likes of which I have never seen before, and I fear I may never see again in my lifetime. And I am not a person who believes in heros. Even as a child, I was hero-less, never star-struck or whimsical for fictional heros. It wasn’t until Steve came along that I understood what a hero truly was.

Steve rocked my world, revived me — and gave me incredible hope that there are other people out there who do care deeply, who do love passionately (as most people are too afraid to show you)– and can and will fight for what they believe in. Every time I saw Steve Irwin, I got wind underneath my wings.

Sadly, it is few among us who are willing to take our passions to the depths Steve did because to do so is to be brutually honest with yourself, and what you believe in. You have to be able to look into a mirror and accept yourself fully for who you are: the good and the bad — and Steve could do that. He was one balanced individual on top of everything else.

Steve was just incredible. His passions drove him to teach millions of people about wildlife they didn’t care about. His enthusiasm captivated you, embraced you — and took you along on his adventure. His energy and excitement was infectious and contagious. You couldn’t help but become compassionate along with Steve. And I believe the world needs a lot more compassion. It is compassion that is missing in our lives for other human beings and for all the animals with whom we share this planet.

Steve was so honest and real. He exposed his inner most self for the world to see. Steve allowed himself to be vulnerable to others and in his steadfast confidence, proudly, didn’t care what you or I thought — because he knew he was being true to his soul — and to the animals and that is all that ever mattered.

When you are genuine and true to yourself — you will be loved. You will be happy. You will find yourself and your place in this world. I truly believe that and Steve was living testament to it.

I just “got” Steve. I understood him like he was my brother, even if I only have only a tenth of his courage. I would have trusted Steve with my life – hands-down, blindfolded and all. He was and is the most sincere, honest and passionate person I have yet to know. Steve wasn’t afraid to be Steve.

When I hear other people say that “Steve got what he deserved” (death), that he didn’t respect wildlife and abused animals — I feel sad for the people that make these comments because I know they are incapable of understanding and relating to other people at this point in their lives. Furthermore, these people have never truly found their passion in life nor do they have any understanding or sense of self. These people who make these remarks are lost souls struggling to find themselves and are lashing out in pure ignorance. These comments are a tragedy in the face of Steve’s tragedy.

I will mourn the loss of Steve Irwin for as long as I live. He is still my hero today and always will be. Thank you, Steve, for gracing us with your gifts, your talents, your intelligence, your compassion, your passion, and your love. Thank you for not being afraid to be yourself, and for living your life true to your soul!! You have changed the world, mate! You’ve changed me — hands down by confirming everything I believe in — and by letting me know that you can succeed in your passions if you believe, deep down inside and let them guide you.

BE COMPASSIONATE.
BE PASSIONATE.
BELIEVE.
Don’ be shy to LOVE.
BE TRUE to YOURSELF. Always.

Thank you, truly, Steve. Thank you.