“Honestly!”
How many times have you heard someone say, “To tell you the truth…” or “To be honest with you…”
Does it make you doubt their sincerity?
Many people believe when someone does this, they are lying.
I have always taken exception to this rule because I am one who truly sees when people don’t believe me and so I will emphasize specifically that I am being honest by saying those exact phrases.
To think people are judging others on this statement concerns me.
Can a liar say these statements? Absolutely!
But so can an honest person, and if you are going to use this as a clue, then you should be able to delineate when its used truthfully and when its used dishonestly. And I don’t believe that can be done, so I say its a worthless clue. Forget about it!
Here is an example: Today when reading the news about a family who is burying their lesbian daughter, her word choice “Honestly” stood out to me. Some people would automatically say she’s lying. But her you can see there is no motive for her lie here, and that she IS saying the truth.
What examples can you find of people saying the following when you know they are being honest?
To tell you the truth…
To be honest with you…
Believe me…
Trust me.
Honestly.
Are you up for the challenge? Post your links below!
Also, do you know of a myth in deception that needs busting? If so, let us know!
A few years ago I commented on a blog about this. When I preface a statement with “honestly”, it means I’m about to tell a truth when the recipient would prefer (or expect) a lie.
http://www.feld.com/archives/2007/04/thats-a-good-question.html#comment-95584187
You must be feeling so frustrated when people or even experts say that we can use these myths as real clues. I can imagine your annoyance :D.Plus, this myth busting thing is a very intriguing idea as it is useful.
I use ‘to be honest’ and ‘honestly’ genuinely in a couple of ways, one of them is a form of emphasis and the other is when I am telling the truth but I think the person I talk to might not believe me.
I use “to be honest” when I’m about to say something the listener may not want to hear. I’m sort of preparing them for a harsh truth. Example: “How was dinner?” “To be honest, it could have been better.”
Another example (in the text–not video):
http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2014/07/02/medical-staff-warned-keep-quiet-about-illegal-immigrants-or-face-arrest/
“When they found out the kids had scabies, the charge nurse was
adamant – ‘Don’t mention that. Don’t say scabies,’” the nurse recounted.
“But everybody knew they had scabies. Some of the workers were very
concerned about touching things and picking things up. They asked if
they should be concerned, but they were told don’t worry about it.”
The nurse said the lice issue was epidemic – but everything was kept “hush-hush.”
“You could see the bugs crawling through their hair,” she said.
“After we would rinse out their hair, the sink would be loaded with
black bugs.”
The nurse told me she became especially alarmed because their files
indicated the children had been transported to Lackland on domestic
charter buses and airplanes.
“That’s what alerted me,” she said. “Oh, my God. They’re flying these
kids around. Nobody knows that these children have scabies and lice. To
tell you the truth, there’s no way to control it.”
I don’t mean to upset anyone’s Independence Day vacation plans, but
were these kids transported to the camps before or after they were
deloused? Anyone who flies the friendly skies could be facing a public
health concern.
I say “to be honest” when I am about to admit something I don’t want to.
Another example: http://www.pennlive.com/midstate/index.ssf/2015/01/northumberland_county_prison_f.html
Pennsylvania Corrections Secretary John Wetzel said the Department of
Corrections is helping out Northumberland County in any way they can.
Wetzel said the the incident “sounds like a really bad fire,” which
will most likely displace the just more than 200 inmates housed in the
facility.
The inmates were transported to a nearby church, while crews worked
to contain the flames, but officials are working on a long-term housing
solution.
Initially, Wetzel said the county inmates will all be moved to one state prison, but plans have not been finalized.
“I don’t know who else would take them to tell you the truth,” he said.
I actually use all the sayings mentioned above quite often. Usually prefacing something that is a full surrendering to the truth as I understand it. When you cut away all excuses, wishful thinking and mitigating reasoning you are left with: “To tell you the truth… to be honest…”
Just the thought of actually saying that and then following it with something dishonest makes me feel like I’d implode if I tried.
There are times when I’ll say something like this when I’m being honest and there are times when I won’t. Sometimes I deliberately avoid saying it when I would normally use it specifically because people believe it’s a sign of deception. But I know I use it more than I thought I did. I don’t think I’ve ever said it when I was lying though? I honestly can’t remember. (LOL)
But really, I can’t remember ever saying it when I’ve lied because I decided to quit lying several years ago and I don’t do it often enough now to actually be able to remember, and anytime I can remember now when I’ve lied has been so long ago that there’s no way I’d be able to remember exactly what I said or didn’t say.
Here is my third example in the comment section:
http://www.kunc.org/post/new-ged-test-means-many-have-start-scratch
Quoted:
‘Won’t Be No Guessin’ In This’
Jackson is one of tens of thousands of people caught up in the latest overhaul of the GED. As we reported last week, the number of people who took and passed the exam in 2014 dropped sharply. The new test is more expensive, it is computerized, and it got more challenging. The GED Testing Service says the changes were needed, as with past upgrades of the test, to keep it meaningful and keep it in line with employer expectations.
We spoke with some GED takers this week and most found the changes frustrating. The new test places a much larger emphasis on critical thinking, say it’s creators. Some test takers, like Thomas Garrett, say that’s made it much more difficult.
“Last year when it was on paper, all we had to do was mark the right answer,” says Thomas Garrett, a 44-year old who is working on his GED in Raleigh, N.C. “On the new test you have to get the right answer and explain how you got that answer. So there won’t be no guessin’ in this.”
Like Jackson, Garrett had passed some sections of the old exam before 2014.
He says he’s having a more difficult time with the new one, particularly the computerized format. He was employed at a car detail shop for many years, before diabetes hindered his ability to work, and has little experience with computers.
While he says he understands the need to improve expectations and even the digital requirement, it’s cold comfort after having his slate wiped clean. “To tell you the truth, I feel like it’s wrong that me and the other people had to start over,” he
said. “I feel like they should give us credit for what we passed.”
(Re-post from FB). I am so glad you brought this up because I have been looking more at statement analysis along with microexpressions and body language in why I know when someone is telling the truth. I am a person who says “honestly” when I am telling the truth if I sense that someone might not accept that what I am saying is the truth; however, when I worked as a psychologist in a male prison, I found that many of the inmates would preface a lie with “honestly” or when they might have considered lying but decided to tell the truth.
Glad to know this is a misconception because this has always confused me. I use these kinds of phrases when I have firsthand knowledge of something and I am really trying to get my point across. For example, I sometimes find myself saying, “Believe me when I tell you…” when I am talking to a younger person who may not foresee the consequences of their actions. I can see the consequences, and I also understand that the younger, inexperienced person may not believe me and think they know better. So comments sometimes get prefaced with “Believe me…”