Are you truly living?

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Randy Pausch is one incredible human being and every person should hear Randy’s “Last Lecture”. Yes, that includes you!

His messages are fabulous. I think he is a wake up call to so many of us. So many people live life checked-out and he, who is dying, gives us an incredible message on how to live. I love every one of his life messages.

Are YOU truly living?

“We can’t change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.” — Randy Pausch

Honesty

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When I see honesty, and I try to show other people, I am not always able to get what I see across to other people. I don’t know how to, actually. How do you, for example, point out sincerity when you see it? How do you identify a genuine expression?

It’s a bit of a quagmire for me.

When someone lies, I can usually point out the clues that I see that support my hypothesis, and usually people will see some of them. I can identify inconsistencies in fact, and behavior. I can point out smirks as well as smiles that don’t make sense, or that have odd timing. I can identify inordinate pauses in speech, strange word usage, or clues to fear when no fear should be present. But with truth, there is nothing to point out. There are no red flags, no oddities, nothing unusual. The behavior in question is normal, as expected. The emotions are genuine and sincere.

Read moreMany times when I watch people who are trying to identify honesty, I detect an emotional bias that skews their ability to register emotions, and facts correctly. Because of their belief system, they want to see something, yet no matter how hard they try to scale their fundamental beliefs, they are unable to do so. People will even speculate that the person speaking didn’t mean exactly what they said, and the person I am watching won’t think twice about rearranging the spoken words to make the message mean what they think it should mean.

Other times, people are not able to interpret emotions: they misinterpret the subtle expressions of sadness, and mistakenly assume that the sad person is callous and cold and showing no emotions. Many times, people miss the expression of contempt completely, as if it never had flashed before them.

One thing is for sure: I think our emotions are one of the biggest obstacles we have to seeing the truth. That is one reason I avoid writing about, or talking about politics and religion—two highly emotional subjects that no matter what is the truth, we will convince ourselves our beliefs are correct, and that others are misjudging the true meaning of what really is…

Quote of the Day

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Somewhere between the brilliant
white light of truth
and the bitter darkness of deceit
is a place where many of us
live our lives
in the shadows.

– Anonymous

People who are the worst…

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…at spotting deception, if you want my opinion, don’t question things.

They don’t question things.

While they may ask questions — they don’t dig for answers, or play the “what if” game. Or, if they do– they don’t do it with an open mind. These people are not researchers or fact finders. The majority of them don’t question authority. To them, people in authority are usually “experts” and “good people” who shouldn’t be questioned. After all, they hold a high-ranking status in society which should be respected — not doubted. I’ve come to describe these people as literalists.

Literalists are the people in our society who are the worst at spotting deception, and I guestimate they are somewhere around 15 -20% of people I meet.

The definition of a literalist from the dictionary is: “one who adheres to the letter or exact word; an interpreter according to the letter.” Most people when they hear the term literalist usually think of people who take the book of their religion and choose to believe in it word-for-word — like strict fundamentalists.

When I say literalist, I am using the term slightly differently. I am talking about people who take everything and everyone they met or get to know at face value — but my definition is void of religious implications.

Literalists, to me, don’t see the world in shades of gray. They only see black and white.

If you were to say to a literalist that their best friend was just seen stealing fifty dollars, while they might listen you out, they wouldn’t question the details of what happened. Instead, they’d automatically defend their friend, and tell you all the ways you must have misinterpreted the situation. They’d be certain someone misunderstood something. Literalists don’t stop to say with a truly open mind, “You know, that isn’t the person I know — but what happened? Why do you say that?” They don’t investigate the situation , or truly listen to what someone is saying without bias.

Literalists, however, are usually good people. They truly want to believe the best in everyone. They are often kind and giving and fiercely loyal people — probably to a flaw. They usually make good friends too.

If you continued to insist to a literalist that their best friend stole this money, and you are going to take action against their friend, a literalist would likely get annoyed with you. They would think quietly to themselves that you are the one with a problem — that you are a pessimist for thinking the way you do.

Literalists automatically assume if someone is nice — they are inherently good. Even in the face of people saying otherwise, literalists will continue to believe a good person is good until the evidence against that belief is clearly visible to their own eyes, or it is so overwhelming (i.e. they are the last to hold that believe), it is undeniable.

If someone has done something bad that they have witnessed with their own two eyes (like stealing) — a literalist will not trust that person again, and he or she will be known as inherently bad. They will still be nice, and kind to these “bad” people — but under the cover of their thoughts will be feelings of distrust, and perhaps feelings of “fear” that is not likely to ever go away completely — even after the passage of time — and renewed efforts to restore the distrust.

Literalists don’t understand human nature nor are they able to read emotions in people. Hence, they take the world at face value. When you and I see color, they only see black and white. They don’t see gray. They are, in essence, color-blind.

The reason I write this post is get people to ponder things more — to question things around them. I am not suggesting that you distrust anyone and everything you hear. Give people the benefit of the doubt, always– but do look at things and ask questions. If someone tells you someone is really nice — it’s okay to wonder why. Why are they nice? If someone tells you someone is really bad — don’t just accept it. Question why. You might find a brilliant, exceptional person underneath the exterior who has been greatly misunderstood.

The dumb question, as the saying goes, is the one that was never asked. As I see it, you have absolutely nothing to lose by questioning things. In fact, you might actually discover a new truth!

As I see it, people who are good at spotting deception find evidence to either support or reject their belief system. They are always looking for things to substantiate what they believe. They are naturally curious and inquisitive. They also don’t take things at face value. They question things all the time, and are open to a new belief if the evidence points them in a different direction.

Anyone, with any ability to detect lies, can improve their abilities by wondering why and asking questions — with a truly open mind to discover whatever may come their way.

The important thing is not to stop questioning.
Albert Einstein (1879 – 1955)
Truth fears no questions.
Anonymous