Tag Archive for: matthew Johns

Tiger Woods: My Thoughts

/in /by
Tiger Woods delivers remarks to the news media.

Tiger Woods held a news conference this week to apologize to the public for cheating on his wife. The apology wasn’t to his wife, it was to his fans and all the other people he let down publicly by his actions. In essence, his apology was to you and me. Do you believe Tiger was sincere? That’s the golden question.

Immediately after watching Tiger say “all the right things”, I speculated that the public would be deeply divided on their opinions. Tiger, when you watched him, no doubt, had a speech coach and in my opinion, that coach failed him miserably. He told Tiger to pause in places that were unnatural for him, and he tried to get Tiger to emphasize things in ways that he wouldn’t do himself. These behaviors, I believe, skewed a lot of people’s beliefs negatively. Many people saw him as phony, I suspect without understanding the reasoning as to why.

Read moreBody language is very complex and if we modify what is normal for someone and aren’t careful, those who are less discerning will confuse the message. Tiger’s apology would have been a greater success, if he followed his heart instead of his coach, if you want my opinion.

Many people balked at Tiger for reading his apology. I place no judgment on Tiger for this element of his speech. When you are nervous and humiliated for what you have done, facing people and owning up to it, rattles the best of us. And if you have a lot of things to say, as Woods did here, it is easy to forget things.

With all of that being said, I believed Tiger’s apology was sincere. His facial expressions, tone of voice and all the other elements that he can’t consciously control were supportive. There was no underlying or leaking arrogance or cockiness that he was trying to hid, which would be hot spots. How many other athletes can you say that about when they have apologized about indiscretions? I can’t think of any offhand.

It was clear that Tiger was not his usual rock-solid self, except at times that he felt justified, which was scolding the media for ridiculing his wife and family.

In the first second of Tiger’s interview, before he even speaks, Tiger shows a brief subtle expression of fear. He is obviously scared to face the public. This expression caught me by surprise. Tiger has always been as solid as a rock in front of the camera, but this time it is was different. And it wasn’t his last expression of fear either. Tiger continued to flash this expression during his interview. If Tiger’s apology was all rhetoric, I don’t think he would have felt fear. He would have felt indignant, but he did not. I don’t see any hints of indignation whatsoever, which is highly notable.

There were moments where he clearly showed humility, which is hard to fake. Other times, Tiger lowered his eyebrows as he spoke which some might confuse with anger, but this expression was actually indicative of sincerity. It’s like an added emphasis to what he was saying. Insincere people do not do this.

When Tiger says, “I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior I engaged in,” he expresses anguish.

If you listen closely, at certain points, you can hear Tiger’s voice give out, ever-so-slightly, from time-to-time. This is a sign of his emotional state. He is truly feeling these emotions.

There is also a heaviness in Tiger’s eyes and a slowness in his blinking and facial expressions that you can’t coach. Compare it to other interviews of Tiger to see for yourself.

If we apply logic to Tiger’s indiscretions and ask why did this happen, I don’t think it takes a rocket scientist to understand it, and I was really happy to hear Tiger say it. What he said was not easy to say. I’ve actually never heard another athlete be so honest before.

Tiger said:

I stopped living by the core values that I was taught to believe in. I knew my actions were wrong, but I convinced myself that normal rules didn’t apply. I never thought about who I was hurting. Instead, I thought only about myself. I ran straight through the boundaries that a married couple should live by. I thought I could get away with whatever I wanted to. I felt that I had worked hard my entire life and deserved to enjoy all the temptations around me. I felt I was entitled. Thanks to money and fame, I didn’t have to go far to find them.

This statement is clearly taking full ownership for his actions. There is no other explanation that is as sincere as this. If Tiger was just going through the motions, and not completely accepting his downfall, I don’t think he would have said this. It would have been too close to home.

Compare Tiger’s behavior to Australian Matthew Johns as he talks about his indiscretions. The two interviews are distinctly different. Johns leaks a lot of telltale signs that he isn’t half as sorry as he says he is…

Matthew Johns

/in , /by

There is a big story breaking in Australia this week about rugby player Matthew Johns. He was also a TV commentator, but due to a sex scandal that broke recently which involved him, he was removed from the Australian TV Nine Network indefinitely.

Johns went public to talk about the allegations on the Nine Network this week (part 1, part 2, part 3) and his interview is fascinating. When he sits down to talk to the reporter, before he ever says a word, his face ticks with many movements, one of which appears to be contempt. He actually appears to show contempt many times in this interview.

Several people from Australia have contacted me and are interested to know what I think so below I will share with you my personal opinion.

Read moreIn this interview, I see Johns as someone who is continually holding himself back, self-censoring and angry. Look at how tense his lips and body are. You can feel it just watching him. It’s palpable. Other times, he clenches his teeth, takes deep breaths, and pulls his lips in. He sighs heavily. We see his nose twitch upwards rapidly once or twice, too–all of which suggest anger. I suspect if you were to talk to Johns in private, he would be full of anger, not genuinely sorry for his actions and what happened that night, but sorry and angry that he was exposed and is being held accountable, at the very minimum, in the public eye. I also suspect there is more to this story than what we know right now.

Because of his anger, his apology comes off very weak and insincere. When we take responsibility for our actions, hold ourselves accountable, and are truly sorry, it is natural for anger to dissipate. Instead, with Johns, I see resistance, incredible resistance, and I don’t feel Johns is owning up to an apology, outside of empty words, which are easy to say. Giving a heart felt apology is entirely different.

At one point in the interview, Johns even says, “….my thoughts and my energies are directed towards my family, all the pain I’ve caused them.” It confirms for me the woman, who is at the center of this matter, isn’t truly a concern of his.

Johns doesn’t seem to show any anger at himself for his actions either. I would expect him to say he was angry at himself, if he was. There would be absolutely no reason to hide it. It would only support his apology, make it stronger and more believable, but it is oddly missing. And at the end of the interview when the reporter says he career is over, and he finishes speaking, he cries. I suspect he is crying for himself.

Also, when Johns talks, he hedges, stammers, searches for words, has long pauses and many false starts, because he is thinking as he speaks, instead of speaking from his heart about what he knows to be true. This behavior does not support honesty. It does not support that Johns is telling us what he truly believes, if you want my opinion.

When Johns say, “I take full responsibility… for the predicament I find myself in” watch as he finishes. There is this slight head shake afterward (no), which I suspect is a gut response–a subconscious response. But as he thinks about what he said consciously, you then see him nod slightly yes. It’s fascinating body language.

Notice how Johns doesn’t answer the reporter’s question here?

TG: How could she in going back to the room with two of you have ended up being a willing participant in a queue of blokes at the foot of the bed having sex with her?

MJ: Well, at the time, when we went back, I was totally unaware that other people were coming into the room. At the point that they did, I stepped away…. from it. Ugh………….In the statements that were made…. to the police…. it says that….. she encouraged players to come forward….. and then she actually………………….what she, she said “someone come forward and have sex with me”, um…..at which one player said he would…. and she said “no no, anyone but you” and pointed to me again, which I declined.

This is really confusing! He stepped out of the room at the point when other people entered? Earlier Johns said, “I was there on the night and I did see what happened and at no point did she object, at any stage, to what was going on.” How can he then make the latter statement, conclusively, if he stepped away at some point? Even more odd, he cites police report statements, yet in a weird twist, suddenly he is back to being in the room again. If he stepped away, then how could she point to him again, and how could he decline? How could he leave as soon as others came in unexpectedly, but still be there when she supposedly picked and chose her men (which is ridiculous)?

Johns story doesn’t make sense, and doesn’t follow chronological order of how we remember things. It’s is riddled with inconsistencies, which is a red flag. Was Johns there the whole time or not? Why does he refer to police statements instead of sticking to his memories?

Johns continues:

MJ: After I declined, I stepped out of the room, but I stepped back in to make sure that everything… was okay, that she was not under any distress…. and at no time was she under any distress.

Again, when did Johns step out? Before or after the other players arrived? I don’t believe he was the saint he is portraying himself to be that night. Notice the pauses, which indicate he is thinking on his feet, not talking from the heart.

TG: You see Matthew, most right-thinking people would be listening to you right now saying how could you have looked at that scenario and seen anything that was OK in it.

MJ: Morally, it’s not OK.

TG: She was 19 years old, she was naked, she was outnumbered, there was a very clear power imbalance in that room, wasn’t there?

A minute later:

TG: Isn’t there something in your mind, that says this is wrong, this is wrong on every level, this is a vulnerable woman, she wants more from this situation than we’re ever going to give her, and this is just wrong (time marker 7:47, video 1).

Watch Johns response before he even talks. He shakes his head no, and he gives another expression of contempt. Does that seem like he is sorry to you? As he responds, he wrinkles his nose very briefly, which is an expression of anger as well, repressed anger. Why does this make him angry? Why does he feel contempt?

More of the interview:

TG: You have a perfect opportunity right now to step up and send a message to other players about this culture. This is your opportunity Matt.

MJ: Tracey, I would say to players, if it’s a situation where . . . I’m just looking for the right words . . . if it’s a situation where……… things occur which are dangerous and they’re stupid and you make decisions that you most certainly will regret later, that at the time you give no thought to, but Tracey at the moment, as much as I love the game of rugby league and the people who play it, my thoughts and my energies are directed towards my family, all the pain I’ve caused them.

TG: And what about to this girl?

MJ: For the pain and the trauma that she’s felt out of all this and the embarrassment, I’m truly sorry. It’s caused a lot of pain and embarrassment to a lot of people.

Here the reporter gives Johns an opportunity to speak about his situation, and offers him a way to help others. Does his answer reflect any concern for the woman whatsoever? Does it expresses sorrow or regret for what happened to the woman here, or other women due to this sex culture among the athletes? Or does Johns show more concerned about himself and his love of rugby and the people who play it? You tell me….Notice he has to be prompted to think of the woman at all.

Johns talks about being afraid about this all coming out for seven years, and that when the reporter called him, it was a relief to “ending all the fear”. Why would he be so afraid if it was all consensual? If he did nothing wrong?

When the reporter asks the couple at the very end, what effect has all of this commotion had Johns and his wife, both of them look around and don’t answer for a notable amount of time. They obviously don’t want to discuss their true feelings, or they would have spoke right up. They didn’t know what to say (perhaps because they’ve been really angry?) and finally John’s wife spoke up, and talks about how they had to remove the children because they didn’t want them to be a part of it.

The interview continues:

TG: Well, you’ve lost your career to speak of, you came awfully close to losing your marriage, what do you do now?

MJ: Well, I’ve got to go away and make it up to my wife and make it up to my family, that’s where my priorities lay. As far as my career at Channel 9, that’s the furthest thing from my mind at the moment.

Johns tears up finally, because I suspect he realizes his career is over, and that is his pain. This is all about Johns and his family, not the woman who is the center of this. I just don’t believe Johns is sorry about what happened to her in any way, and I do not believe the woman had consensual sex with a group of rugby players by choice.

Notice at the end of the interview how Johns wife takes a minute before she defends him and says they have worked it all through (past tense) and are closer than ever before? But once she is finished talking, she abruptly walks off the set without him? Her body language and actions speak volumes louder than her words, don’t they? So do Matthew Johns.