Barbara Bowman and Janice Dickinson
I watched both Barbara Bowman and Janice Dickinson (see here) speak out about their story of rape by Bill Cosby.
I believe them.
They are telling the truth without a doubt. Both women show palpable disgust when recollecting or talking about Bill Cosby. Their stories flow. They both express deep pain on their faces that anyone can see. And their stories are eerily similar. And there aren’t just two accusers. The list is up over a dozen now.
Many people wonder why they didn’t come forward long ago when this originally happened, and I don’t think people realize the multitude of factors that came into play for these women.
First, rape is a very hard topic to broach with a stranger–especially if you are young woman trying to find your place in this world.
Second, you have to realize that these women didn’t wake up knowing they had been drugged or raped. They woke up in a blur, had a fuzzy head, and had to be unsure of what had transpired.
They had to wonder: Did I fall asleep? Did I drink to much? Did I pass out from something? Did I eat something funny?
Most people don’t automatically wake up and say, “Hey I was drugged and oh, yeah, wow: Raped.” It’s hard to believe someone would actually violate another person–especially someone you looked up to.
These women woke up in a state of bewilderment and had to pick up and carry on with life, and in the middle of it try to figure out what happened.
That takes time to figure out and process that someone violated you–not in one way, but two. The shock and denial can cause people to push it away. It’s a painful realization that they lost lost control somehow. That they were violated.
Also, when people are sedated, they are not in any position to take a stand, stand their moral ground or fight anyone, but its hard to rationalize that–that they did something that they didn’t want to do, regardless. How could that happen?
People in this situation will become overrun with feelings of incredible guilt and shame, feelings of responsibility, even when they had none, and can’t be held culpable in anyway. They don’t realize the psychological effects of these drugs. They will literally battle themselves thinking, “Why didn’t I fight back? What was wrong with me? That was sick!” They will viscerally want to hide. They will feel repulsed.
They also will begin to feel that people won’t believe them because they didn’t fight back in their unaware drugged state. They will fear that people will blame them, tell them they wanted it or they would have fought back. Then they will start to hate themselves for not fighting back, and feel more and more insecure because they didn’t, which causes them to bury everything and try to push it away, instead of deal with it head on. They go into a tailspin of negativity, and this will erode their chances of ever speaking about it to anyone.
Now imagine processing all of this and trying to understand it, and you must figure it all out before the drugs (or DNA) leave your system. Figuring something like this out could take weeks or even months to mentally sort through, and by then the evidence has cleared the body. It’s gone forever.
Then, they don’t just have to say some strange guy did this to me, if they figure it out. No, they have to point to a beloved, trusted, highly regarded mega star, and say he did it! They have to accuse America’s favorite and most trusted Dad.
Imagine for just a minute how hard that would be.
I don’t think we are giving these women near enough space considering what happened. This would be hard for the most mature, self-assured middle age woman, let alone someone newly starting their career.
And Barbara Bowman found amazing courage to tell people what happened. She went to her agent and spoke out, and to an attorney, and both refused to take her seriously. I believe it.
Think about why this would happen.
If the agent or the attorney weren’t powerhouses themselves, going forward against a mega star was also risky for their careers. If they came forward to support Barbara publicly and the case was rejected to do lack of evidence (rape is very hard to prosecute without evidence), these professionals risked having their reputations put into the same category as Barbara. They could easily be labeled as not credible, troublemakers, or foolish themselves for questioning such a loved mega role model like Bill Cosby. After all he was America’s most wanted Dad.
Speaking about Bill Cosby wasn’t just risky for these women. It was risky for others, too. It could have truly killed or disabled their careers and tarnished their reputations, too, and these people knew it. That’s why they likely didn’t take Barbara’s situation on and go forward. Because the risk was high for them, too. They too stepped away in the shadows.
I feel for these women. This was a very traumatic experience where they were forced to carry the burdens quietly themselves for years. I wonder if they can ban together and sue Cosby in civil court. He needs to face up to this and deal with it once and for all, and stop trying to sweep it under the carpet.
I hope more women get the courage to speak out. It will only empower them now. As they gain numbers, the power will be given back to them and the one who caused all this pain will stand farther and farther alone and in the corner of shame he so deserves.
This was beautifully articulated! I couldn’t have said it better myself. Thank you for that.
That’s an honor coming from one of the best communicators I know. Thanks, Keith!
It’s well deserved. I appreciate not only that you take the time to share your ability with others and teach others how to protect themselves, but that you’re also a consistent advocate for the truth even in the face of those who sometimes refuse to see or acknowledge it. That takes a tremendous amount of courage and character, and I admire it very much– you’re a role model for me.
If Cosby went as far as using a drug to muddle the minds of his victims, to me, that means that there are likely a LOT more women who will be speaking out. If he did drug them, he went beyond trusting his own people skills and status to ensure the silence of his victims. That is a very calculated move and makes me wonder if a large portion of the “others” would be from before he attained his “status.” It smacks of experience of “how it went before” and “how it can’t go now that he’s got fame and power” type of thinking. If he used a drug, what was is it and who supplied him with it. Someone knows the answer to that question. They also know WHEN it happened. Unless his supplier is dead, of course. I don’t see this thing going away quietly at this point, no matter what his lawyers say or don’t say.
Hi Doux
I doubt drugs are hard to come by for famous people, especially, at the Playboy Club. He may have rationalized his way into thinking that he wasn’t hurting the women, since they were drugged. I have always been amazed at the things that people can rationalize into not being so bad. I think, now, he knows how the rest of the world and those women think about what he did. It is amazing to see the difference in the way he looks, now, that he has been stripped of his pride. He looks completely beaten down. His career is in ashes, his marriage and family has to be strained to the max, and he may be facing a trial, yet. The strain on his wife’s face is so sad to see. It is all a sad mess of his own doing. It has always shocked me for people, who have attained so much status, power, and wealth to fall so disgracefully. Power corrupts seems to be appropriate in a lot of cases.
I think he chose very vulnerable girls, who wouldn’t have the confidence to come forward against him. Kathie Lee Gifford said he tried to kiss her, but he stopped when she said no. She wasn’t drugged, and I think he knew that she would have the confidence to bring charges against him, He backed off. He wasn’t thinking ahead to the day that those young girls would gain courage from maturing and from each other. His house of cards have tumbled!
Eyes, I found your eloquence in this post so moving. Thank you.
Thank you for writing this. I have always thought it obvious that victims of this kind of incident may take some time before they come forward if they do and that they don’t necessarily WANT to. How unpleasant for them. I am glad you wrote these words for any open-minded person who currently thinks time delay is incriminating for these victims but who can come to see that isn’t so.
I hope Barbara and Janice read your post. I think it would matter to them to be believed by you because of your experience with lie/truth detection. It could give them a good deal of comfort to know others can stumble across your post.
What I mean is that you believing them is almost like an “official” believing. I’m sure they have important people in their lives that believe them, but now it’s on a bigger scale. I hope they come to this site.
I agree with all the above, a beautiful, beautiful post. It’s fascinating to gain insight on troublesome characters but also incredibly valuable to be able to better understand victims and bystanders. It seems like victims and bystanders have a lot of untapped power to resolve some of what’s wrong with our culture and that a fuller, more nuanced understanding of their psychology can be incredibly useful.
Eyes, I came to you right away for a yes/no answer with these accusers, and I got my answer. But better yet, I also got one of the best, most empathetic descriptions of ‘denial’ I’ve ever read. I have experienced denial myself and lost memories; Somehow I ‘forgot’ my best friend, a guy I grew up with had tried to rape me one night, after 15 years of spending nearly every day together as platonic BFFs. He was like family, closer than family—and I really think the shock from the loss of trust was why I just forgot it. And continued to be his best friend for 2 more years. One random day the memory just came back (took a few days to get it all), and I walked away from him forever. My only regret is that I never TOLD him why, I just hoped he’d figure it out. See? I didn’t confront my attacker either—The whole time I’m reading this post, I’m just nodding at every point you made.
What’s amazing to me–It wasn’t even a completed attack, no clothes came off, and yet my mind played the same tricks to help me cope with this. This IS what happens to trauma victims. The human mind is capable of incredible coping mechanisms. You described it all perfectly.
(FYI to all– I am perhaps over-sharing, but I’m not ashamed. I just wanted to bolster Eyes’ points, that the mind can really do this. It happened to me, over FAR less than most experience.)
Thank you SO much, Eyes. I’m an even bigger fan today!
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment.
Many of us have experienced the same thing, especially, when we suffer abuse of some kind as children. It takes a longer time to take our power back from our abusers. Later in life, as we get wiser and understand why we act as we do, it becomes easier for us to stand up for ourselves and walk away from an abusive person. I believe it is Oprah, who says, “when someone shows you what they are, believe them.” If they will do this once, they will do it again and, maybe, even worse.
It was Maya Angelou who said that.
The mind can really “do a number” on you- to protect you from experiencing the horror fully. As a stranger who had followed me to the car proceeded to attempt to strangle me as I was crying out for help, my thought was “Now Gyuri will be late for work”… I had gone to the restaurant parking lot to pick up the car because he’d had several drinks the previous night and had left it there. The car had been a few blocks from me and so I went to retrieve it so that my boyfriend would be able to get to work.
Thank you Eyes, for sharing your thoughts and the truth. It is quite clear to see.
Stumbled upon a fascinating video, an AP interview from earlier this month. Cosby’s self control is strange and eerie. The complicity of his wife is evident. It honestly leaves the viewer with a sinster feeling. http://youtu.be/RI6z97Efw3I
Oh, that interview made me FURIOUS. Did anyone happen to notice that Cosby went right for the interviewer’s sense of “integrity” when making his “request” that the topic of allegations not be aired? It wasn’t a request to “please not air that.” He attempted to manipulate the man by threatening the interviewer’s integrity indirectly. IF you have integrity, you will do this for me. What is unsaid and intimated is that the interviewer does NOT have integrity if he does not do as Cosby ASKS. That is an indirect threat. Too quickly he went there. So easily he went there. Cosby is visibly uncomfortable and agitated. What does he do? He attacks. There was zero humility in his request. That’s passive aggression. Talk like that could very easily influence a young lady that, like Eyes said, had not found her place in the world. FYI, this whole thing makes me sick. I liked watching Fat Albert as a kid. I liked listening to his comedy. I did….. 🙁
It was an immediate manipulation. “If you have integrity then….” Made him look like a flat out bully. First it was about the network then he just went right at the interviewer questioning his integrity in his profession, really personal and confrontational.
Basically the instant he didn’t get a clear yes it was personal. First it was kind of a begging.
Clear intimidation, control and manipulation. Stunning. Well, Mr. Cosby, these behaviors support your accusations! And add to the fact that 10 women remained nameless for over a decade — so we know they weren’t aiming to profit from this. Two have spoken out and are truthful, so we know who is not honest here!!
I thought exactly the same thing Eyes. He is clearly used to getting his way, and is not used to anyone standing up to him. He was so patronizing to the interviewer in the clip as well; telling others on the set “please talk to his boss” kind of language. And he is arrogant, which I have always felt any time I have ever seen him in an interview. And don’t get me started on his wife! Arghhh….made me think of Sandusky’s wife.
Ahh thank you Beth! That’s who she was reminding me of! Sandusky’s wife.
One other thing that people might be missing – For roughly a week Cosby got what he asked for in that interview. The AP did not show that clip, it was “scuttled”. Only after repeated and new allegations surfaced did the AP decide to release the video. Think about that – even in light of the number of accusers up to that time, the AP did what Cosby asked, until earlier this week. He bullied the AP and they complied for a time. Imagine what that bullying must be like if you’re not the AP but just a regular person. Here’s the information:
“”As this story has evolved, there is a very real desire for people to hear from a man whom many have been listening to their whole lives,” AP managing editor for entertainment Lou Ferrara said in a statement.
“Mr. Cosby’s comments about this matter have been scarce as the story has increased in intensity, as was the case with his initial comments to us and NPR.”
(In an interview with NPR about the art exhibit that was taped ahead of time and was broadcast on Saturday, Cosby went mum when asked about the allegations.)
“When we went back and looked at everything, combined with where the story is now, we realized that people would want to see the additional video,” Ferrara said. “It has more significance and interest now than it did just a couple of weeks ago.”
Sure enough, on Thursday the video was widely shared and broadcast, contributing to a portrait of a legendary comedian who has worked hard to avoid press scrutiny — and has often succeeded, up until now.”
Source: http://money.cnn.com/2014/11/20/media/cosby-associated-press-video/index.html
If someone accuses someone of a crime, they don’t go to an attorney, or an agent. They go to the police. All of these accusations NOW, and not one headed to the police station or dialed 911.
At least one of these ladies was a teenager. It doesn’t seem that hard to believe that they wouldn’t be so confident how to advocate for themselves.
All of them have the identical story. Nobody went to the police. They can just copycat each other’s interviews.
One of the ladies in response to the question of did she go to the police:
“Oh no, no. I couldn’t even make sense of it in my own head. I was just angry at myself.”
These ladies in the immediate aftermath have a lot to process. Also one of the stories (from today I think) is different from the others.
Time will tell (or maybe not). I was never a fan of Cosby, so I’m not vested in his career. As of now, I believe the stories are made up, but my opinion is open to change.
Clearly, Defender66, you know nothing about sexual violence. I was raped by a celebrity when I was 16 years old, and my rapist told me afterward that he “could hire the best lawyers and would take anyone who crossed me to the highest court”, in the polite, passive-aggressive way predators do. I never told anyone except my husband (eventually) and my therapist when I was in my 30s. My therapist suggested I come forward for closure, but my husband and I decided that the cost for the victim is just to great to go it alone. I am so happy to see these women come forward, because it will help others to be brave and to feel they may be believed and not blamed. I hope I too be that brave someday.
You are very brave, Kelli. Very brave. The real coward was the perp. Please know that 🙂 Thank you for speaking out.
I don’t deny that there is sexual violence. I had a roommate in college who bragged about the girls he raped. I moved out. If any of the girls pressed charges, I would have come forward as a witness for them. In the Cosby accusations I’m suspicious of the number who are coming out now, and not one came out then. Why all now? And, if a few of them are in fact telling the truth, and there are a few liars, they’ll cast doubt on the truth tellers, which would be disgraceful.
This is confusing. If you believed your roommate when he bragged about raping girls, why didn’t YOU call the police? If you believed him and you never saw women press charges, why is it hard for you to believe that women who were raped by a powerful man would be more likely to come forward than the women raped by your nobody roommate?
I was 15 when a big star high school athlete jumped me, pushed me the ground in a playground when I rode my bike through. He then climbed on top of me and tried to unbuckle his pants. All the while telling me “You want this!”. I thrashed like a fool, screamed bloody murder, and he freaked and ran. He was LOVED at school. I was more a side-liner. I never told a soul.
Thank you Lies for sharing your story as well. It is so hard to talk about, but I am glad as a society we are finally having the discussion!
I also never told anyone, never reported it, never went to the police. I just pushed it out of my mind the best I could for decades until one night when it came rushing back out of NOWHERE with no prompting and no warning and damn near killed me. But for the good fortune of one online friend popping onto her MSN messenger to check her email before going to bed, I wouldn’t be here today– and no one would know why.
If you’re accusing someone in a position of public power of a crime– you do go to a lawyer. Because if you don’t, you’re likely to be sorely disappointed with what the outcome of enduring that nightmare is. Especially if you work in the same circles as the person you’re going to be accusing. That’s a career ender if you get the tiniest little bit wrong.
Look at how many people Lance Armstrong sued and destroyed when they accused him of doping over the years. Cosby is an even bigger target than Armstrong was– it would honestly be stupid not to go to a lawyer or an agent first.
I’m glad your friend reached out to you. I don’t understand why it is so hard for people to understand the shame and guilt and why people don’t come forward. I just found out 2 years ago that one of my sister’s was raped by her “boyfriend” when she was 16. She is 38 now, and suffers from PTSD. I asked her why she never told my parents, or any of us. She said she was so ashamed and felt like everyone would think she had done something to deserve it. Oh, and btw, this happened after she broke up with him, so he beat the crap out of her at the same time. And then told her if she told anyone, he would kill our family. So she went to court to testify, never mentioning the rape, and he got 6 months probation and a restraining order. I’m so glad she is getting help now, and wish she would have had a friend she could have told.
And you are so right in comparing this to Lance Armstrong. He DESTROYED people who worked for him, on tv, calling them horrible names, on top of saying they were liars. Look at the tantrums these people throw, when they are used to having everyone bow/cower to them.
I am proud of these women, and hope it gives other courage. Just look at everyone sharing on here. It’s hard to be vulnerable.
I think a misconception here is that if you file a police report, that you automatically go to court. That’s NOT true. You can choose to press charges when you want to as long as it’s under the statute of limitations. The important part is getting the evidence and filing the report. None of the victims in this case did that. Instead they are doing a media tour hitting every guest spot they can to tarnish his name. I don’t believe what they are accusing Cosby of doing. Cosby has one splotch on his record in regards to an incident with Andrea Constand back in 2005/2006 which was settled out of court. I believe these women are using that against him and Cosby doesn’t want to go into that past mistake which is why he’s staying quiet. Unfortunately being quiet doesn’t work is in favor as it allows more people to jump in and make claims against him as well without fear of repercussion.
If you really want to dig into this story, find out everything you can about what happened with Andrea Constand and Bill Cosby – all the civil court documents can be found online. See if there’s a connection between the alleged victim and Andrea Constand. Because no one reported any wrong doing until a comedian brought it up and Andrea’s case was settled. That says something…
I have been in great bondage for almost 2 years suffering in the hands of a cheating husband,we were happy and leaving well until he meant his old time girl friend and he started dating her outside our marriage before you knew it he stoped caring and taking care of his own family it was to the extent that he was planning to get married to her and divorce me his own wife, i have cried and reported him to his family but he never listened to any one but to cut my story short i came in search for a real spell caster who could destroy their relationship and make him come back to me and our 2 kids on my search i saw people making testimony on how their marriage where restored by Esango Priest i pick his email and i narrated my story to him and he agreed to help me and after performing a spell on the second day both had a quarrel and he beat his girlfriend up and he came home begging for i and my little kids to forgive him that his eyes are clear now that he will never do any thing that will hurt his family again and promise to be a caring father and never cheat again.I am so so happy that i did not loose him to the girl. all appreciation goes to Esango Priest for you are a Great spell caster and to whom this may concern if you have a cheating husband or wife or you need your ex lover back again. you can as well email him on (esangopriest@hotmail.com or esangopriest@gmail.com) or you can also reach him throgh his website http://www.esangopriestspelltemple.webs.com.
I would say that a woman doesn’t even have to be drugged to go through the same thing. And in the end, sometimes it’s better they went along with it at the moment, and didn’t fight….that’s why they are still alive.
Yes, and sadly, haters will use that against her — try to argue that because she limited her resistance in order to survive, that it was “consensual” in some twisted way. Sickos.
There was something about these latest allegations of rape by a public figure that made me come out and reveal my rape when I was just under 23 years of age. This man was a powerful Beverly Hills attorney and I ended up at his home with 2 people I trusted thinking I was going to a party. At any rate, I have decide to write a letter to this man after 40 years and 3 months and copy the State Bar of California. Not that anything will get done about it, but just so they know that this man is a creep. Oh, and he called me two weeks after the event and informed that that I had infected him with an STD. Wrong. He had found out that he had something and was informing me, blaming it on me. At least he informed me. When I went to the doctor, the doctor informed me that I did not have an STD. He said be glad the jerk at least warned you even though he blamed it on you.
WOMEN NEED TO SPEAK OUT AND PROSECUTE BEFORE THE STATUTE OF LIMITATIONS PASSES. I was an adult but it was NOT consensual.
I am so sorry you had to endure such horrible abuse. Good for you for speaking out! The more you speak out, the more other women will– and there is good that will come from this. Would-be, or to-be rapists will THINK TWICE NOW. Women speaking out about this is causing second thoughts and fears in the perps!! That’s what we need!! It may slow them down or cause them to not act as aggressively. That’s positive!!!
I believe there is one accuser who DID contact a district attorney. The DA ignored her.
The FBI maintains a list of convicted sex offenders – the list is free to use and totally open to the public. Here is their description:
“The National Sex Offender Public Website—coordinated by the Department of Justice—enables every citizen to search the latest information from all 50 states, the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico, Guam, and numerous Indian tribes for the identity and location of known sex offenders.”
http://www.fbi.gov/scams-safety/registry
There are many counseling resources for survivors of abuse across the United States (and I presume in many other countries). There are many resources for survivors, hopefully the beautiful post by Eyes and all the comments will get people going and they will start getting the support they need and that can do so much good for them.
Can you please run by why you did not notify the police with either of these roommates? Yet you believe someone who is the victim is going to run to the police? I don’t understand you’re logic. You seem to be talking out of both sides of your mouth.
I don’t understand your logic, since you seem to be propelled by pure emotion. And that’s not logical. If there is no victim to identify, there is nothing to report. Period!
A lot of people would be amazed at the percentage of women, who have had some kind of abuse inflicted on them. Most women don’t talk right away, because this is a heavy emotional load with the possibility of being hurt further in many directions. I think the abusers have picked their victims with the victim’s vulnerability in mind. Eventually, however, the abuser overplays his hand, and their world crashes down on their heads. It is a no win situation for all who are involved.
And sexual predators don’t stop being predators. They continue to victimize until they get caught or die.
You believe Janice Dickinson? Really? Funny I just see an over dramatic actress with crocodile tears. I do think something happened to some of the women, but I don’t this Rip Van Winkle effect, but your thoughts are interesting.
It certainly was beautifully stated. One other issue could be added: during those times if you knew the person assaulting you, the term “rape” wouldn’t be used. The concept of “date rape” not to mention spousal rape is rather recent.
Women knew that they would be blamed instead of the man: you’d led him on, you’d dressed too suggestively, you’d taken him to your apartment, you’d had too much to drink and are confusing what happened with rape” etc etc,
Now this was the scenario for about any woman complaining; imagine what they would have said about accusing Cosby- well, we know one woman did early-on and how she was ridiculed, even by the attorney to whom she went.
Andrea Constand got somewhere because of the others who heard about her situation and came forth to be witnesses for her. I can’t blame the others who did realize they’d been attacked but were too afraid to do anything about it.