The Bachelor Disses Britt

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If you’ve watched The Bachelor on ABC this season, there was a really interesting clip of Britt calling out Chris, the Bachelor, on Monday about some of his actions and the actions of others. While no one can miss he is tongue tied, I believe you could predict he would walk away rudely as he did at the end of this clip (which Kimmel cut off).

He leaked a boat load of negative emotions multiple times (contempt, disgust, anger –multiple ways) towards Britt that it was overwhelming, and yet his words didn’t reveal the same. His emotional state is borderline hostile, and he didn’t have the nerve to stand up to what he believed, so he tried to say anything else, and it was a complete failure.

We can now take his emotional response and identify behavioral traits about Chris. He hates to be challenged or questioned. He struggled to keep his calm and listen to people who challenge him. Instead he let his emotions overcome him and he had to walk away. Rudely. He also wasn’t able to express how he truly felt. Instead he bottled it up, which leaves a high propensity for emotional outbursts later on. If Britt didn’t pick up on his emotional responses, she will be in for a world of surprise later.

All of these traits bode horrible for a relationship. It’s not surprising that Chris is still single, if you ask me. He is deeply insecure under his facade and projecting himself as someone he is not. That will eventually backfire on him.

Myth Busted: “To be honest with you…”

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Many people tell me that when they hear “to be honest with you”, or similarly, “to tell you the truth” and “honestly”, they believe the person is lying.  As they say, why else say it unless you are going to lie?

Listen to Shahid Khan, owner of the American NFL team, the Jacksonville Jaguars, say it above at time marker 10:26.

“Well, I gotta be honest with you, its kind of the only thing that made me a little bit angry,” says Khan about being held at the border after 911 due to being of foreign descent.

Do you think he is lying?

He is not lying.  So why do honest people say this?

I polled people on my Facebook page, and here are some of the responses people gave why they use it:

  • “… I use that, normally… right before I state something reluctantly. If I am aware that the truth is going to illicit a negative reaction from someone, I will us that phrase as a preface, especially after being pestered for information that I would not like to share.”
  • “I think I’ve used the phrase more when I am asked for my opinion on something and I feel that the person asking may not like my opinion after I express it.”
  • “I do say “honestly” and “to be honest” when I’m admitting some kind of harsh truth that I have not wanted to say for fear of a fight. I also say it when I want to emphasize something truthful.”

That makes sense, doesn’t it?  So honest people use these terms, too.

Can a liar use these phrases?

Absolutely. 

But is this a reliable clue to deception?

I don’t believe it is.

Unless we can delineate why we know its a lie versus when it is the truth, then I would caution people from making assumptions because its not much better than a coin toss otherwise.

Below Katy Perry say, “I’ll be honest. Sometimes I just watch the Super Bowl for the half time show and the commercials.”

See time marker :25.

Is she telling the truth?

Absolutely!

She is absolutely telling the truth and doing exactly what others said above–prefacing her statement because she doesn’t think it is going to be liked! Katy Perry gives us a micro-expression of fear before she begins, and then covers her face because she is slightly embarrassed she admitted it!

If you recall, Katy first replied with “I love the Super Bowl, of course”–that’s what caused her pause. With her next statement, she basically admits she doesn’t love the game for necessarily “the game”, and she honestly tells you why!

Myth BUSTED: Eye Movement (NLP) and Lying

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Many people are taught today and continue to believe that if someone as they are talking gazes upwards and to the left (your left)–then they are lying.  The theory is called Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP). NLP believes when we gaze up and to the left, we are imaging. We only recall memories looking up to the right.

I don’t believe this for a minute.

I asked my readers to help me look for examples of people who shifted their eye gaze up and to the left, and are honest to help put an end to this myth.

The FBI has even put out a publication in their bulletin denouncing it as credible in June 2011. See here.

“Twenty-three out of 24 peer-reviewed studies published in scientific journals reporting experiments on eye behavior as an indicator of lying have rejected this hypothesis.”

Watch Mike Bloomberg talk in this video below.  In the first 15 seconds, watch his eyes gaze up and to the left.

He says, “I don’t have anything in common with people who sit there and say oh my god, it was terrible. It’s water under the bridge or the dam, so get on with it.”

You can tell he is not lying. He has no reason to.

People move their eyes all over in conversations –up, down, right, left and sideways–and the only thing you can glean from it is that a person is simply thinking.  That’s it. We think when we tell the truth and we think when we lie.  So it tells us nothing else.

Here is another one for you. Watch Fred Armisen answer a question about liking Molly Shannon. He looks up to the right and then to the left as he answers the question!

This is in French, but this Paris hostage has nothing to gain by lying and reading the sub-titles you can see she isn’t saying anything worthy of lying, but she clearly looks up and to the left.

In this video below, there are a lot of eye gazes when you watch in both directions. But there is also an up an to the left at time marker 11:01 by the woman in pink, Kara Swisher, and clearly she is not lying. She says, “There has been a big war on talents and payments.”

Please feel free post more examples in the comment section below that you find to stop this myth once and for all.  Once people see it with their own eyes, they will likely believe it is untrue.

Many thanks to the people who are helping me squelch the myths! A big shout out to M.A.!

Deception Myths: Week One

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My mission in 2015 is to help eradicate the myths to deception detection. There are so many “clues” that I believe are myths floating around that we need to do something to stop it once and for all.

How can we do that?

It’s quite simple. We can take each myth and find people who are telling the truth who exhibit the so-called “clue” or “myth”. If people can see someone telling the truth in a real and genuine environment doing the “clue” that should help eradicate a lot of myths out there!

Are you in for the task?

I need your help, commitment and dedication.

Each week I will charge you with a new task–go look for someone in a news story, on a TV show, in a documentary where we know with reasonable certainty they are telling the truth doing the behavior of the week!

This week’s task: Look for someone telling the truth who looks up and to the left. Many people are taught that when we construct imaginary stories, we gaze up to the left.

I believe this is a myth because we look up, down, left or right when thinking regardless of the fact we are telling the truth or a lie. It’s individual and not this simplistic!

Can you find example? If so, please post it below or email it to me.

Good luck and thank you!

Phylicia Rashad Speaks Out

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Phylicia Rashad speaks out with a fake smile and a notably mad undertone in her voice. You can see her squint her eyes and purse her lips as she talks. All hint that she is steaming mad inside masking it by a soft voice and her social smile.

Rashad says, “What has happened is declaration in the media of guilt….without proof.”

When Reshad says this, she looses all credibility to me because she is basically saying a victim cannot speak out and share a story. She is not supporting free speech in any way. She is condemning almost 30 women for doing so! And if you notice she doesn’t even mention them. She just calls them “media”.  It’s rather appalling.  I wish she could have come out with a better argument, personally.

When challenged if she said earlier in the week, “Forget the women”, Reshad basically supports the quote was likely true! She doesn’t change her approach at all. She just re-words it by saying the same thing.

She says, “This is not about the women,” which is essentially dismissing them again–like forgetting them.

She goes on to say, “This is about an obliteration of a legacy.”

Yes, it’s all about poor Cosby, Mr. Reshad, not the women.

Why didn’t you just own what you originally said?

When Reshad says about the drugs and rape, “I can’t speak to those things and don’t want to” she squints her eyes again, which is a very negative response. I call it being “critical”.  It’s a form of disapproval.

It’s very clear that Reshad’s own legacy is being affected by Cosby. She was his side kick and if he goes down, she will be affected as well. She still got attention because of the Cosby show even after decades, but that will all disappear if Cosby is outcast. And whether she wants to admit it or not, it will affect her bottom line to one degree or another without question, if it hasn’t already.

What Reshad fails to see clearly is that Cosby was not going to do anything to anyone sexually or risky who had power and control. He was too smart to do that. That would have been his downfall and so hence, Reshad was safe.  Reshad was someone, who if she discovered his secret or was a target, could expose him in a big way–so he kept her in the dark with purpose and intention.  He also needed to keep his allies and clearly she is one worth protecting.  She is fiercely loyal no matter what.

What I think we see here is someone very upset for herself, and unable to look at the victims for who they really are. Very sad, if you ask me.