Book and Article Suggestion

/in /by

A new reader to my blog posted an interesting comment suggesting a book and an article. I thought you might want to read it:

Here is his comment:

Malcolm Gladwell’s book, Blink, might be of interest to you.
He wrote a piece in the New Yorker called “The Naked Face” about people who might just be like you.

Here’s the URL to the article:
http://www.gladwell.com/2002/2002_08_05_a_face.htm

Check it out.
-Steve

Thanks Steve!

I found article very interesting — and I find the book, Blink, facinating! I can’t wait to read it. All of the sudden, since October, I am finally finding people who understand me. It’s so awesome, and exciting. I have always trusted what I called my intuition, but Malcolm Gladwell puts it so much better when he calls it “rapid cognition”. I knew I wasn’t acting on a whim or an emotion but something more concrete because when I rely on those instanteous reactions, they are nearly foolproof.

How exciting!

Anne Bird, a Very Calculating Sister

/in /by

Anne Bird, Scott Peterson’s half-sister, is on the circuit, making the rounds, selling her story that she believes Scott Peterson is guilty. I tuned into Dateline NBC last night to watch her and sadly, I was disturbed by what I saw.

She doesn’t act normal. You can’t distinguish normal emotional responses from her. You can’t easily discern when she is supposedly hurt or upset versus when she is happy. She is like a doll without emotions, babbling and saying what she thinks she is supposed to say—only adding appropriate smiles or a twinge when she thinks she should—not because she is actually feeling that way. It is clear that her emotional responses aren’t genuine.

Her behavior is oddly similar to that of her half-brother Scott, although Scott Peterson mastered putting on the emotions more, so as to fool the average person. Scott said and acted the part he believed society expected of him, and he did his true dirty deeds behind the scenes. It really makes you wonder…

We all know that Scott was raised by Anne’s biological mother and was supposedly taught to shun real emotions, according to Jackie herself—but Anne Bird was raised by an entirely different family. Why is she shunning normal emotions? It’s rather scary.

Anne tries to convince you, the audience, that she is writing this book because she wasn’t asked to testify at her brother’s trial—and so now she believes the burden is too heavy on her conscience to keep it all inside. I believe she even says she feels she had no other choice but to tell her story.

During the trial, Anne stood steadfast by her half-brother. She says she thought he was innocent. But now she thinks he is guilty, as is obvious by her book title: 33 Reasons Why My Brother is Guilty.

Regardless of what she thought during and after the trial, it isn’t like the jury freed Scott Peterson, so why does she have to tell the world why she believes he is guilty?? They convicted him. So where does her guilt come in? She only had supporting evidence to the story. Her reasoning is flawed. Very flawed.

The real reason I believe Anne is writing this book? (A) She wants to get back at her mother. She has deep anger that she was given up for adoption, that her mom called Scott the “Golden Child”. This is her form of revenge: a very hurtful book for her biological mother. (B) She wants notoriety. (C) She wants the money from the book. (D) This is all about Anne, and Anne alone.

Anne is very calculating.

Anne also tries to convince you that she never doubted Scott’s innocence during the trial—that she completely trusted him regardless of incredible mounting evidence—and she saw way more than you and I did behind the scenes, which is supposedly written in her book. If you ask me, Anne knew damn well her half-brother was guilty long before she admits it.

Jackie Peterson, who gave Anne up at birth, has led a very tragic life. As told by NBC’s Dateline, Jackie “…had suffered a terrible childhood. Her father was murdered when she was just two years old—murdered just before Christmas. Then Jackie’s mother suffered a breakdown. Jackie grew up in an orphanage.”

Now add to that, Jackie gave up two children for adoption. And worse, as we all know, her flesh and blood killed someone. How much can one person handle? Wouldn’t a normal person have some form of compassion for her??

When you watch Anne talk, and you hear her divulge things about her mother that are painful, her face remains strangely emotionless, despite the fact she is saying very hurtful things. This is just another big red flag that things aren’t as they seem.

As a lie-detector, Anne’s behavior scares me. She is too emotionless to get a good read from her expressions. She is too calculated. I can only tell you that her behaviors don’t add up, that her expressions aren’t genuine—and real—and with that, I know enough to be very concerned with anything she says.

* * *
Did you know according to forensic psychiatrist Dr. Keith Ablow, who was featured on Oprah, that 1 in 25 people show sociopathic (non-empathic) tendencies?? I believe this is absolutely true.

However, Dr. Ablow went on to say that he thinks people are born good, and through deep struggle, stop empathizing. Then he says in time, they look at people suffering with bewilderment and curiosity.

I couldn’t disagree more. You can’t teach it—you just can’t. The normal person can’t turn it off. It’s not possible, no matter how hard you try—hence the reason why a lot of people pull the plug on life. You either have empathy or you don’t but if psychiatry admitted it, they’d loose a lot of business, wouldn’t they????

Quote of the Day

/in /by

“The cruelest lies are often told in silence.”

Robert Louis Stevenson (1850-1894) Scottish novelist, essayist & poet

Pathological Liars

/1 Comment/in /by

I tuned into Oprah this morning. The topic was pathological liars. Of course, I was fascinated and glued to the show. A woman, a mother of two, who was married confessed to her life as a pathological liar. She told the world the truth: Her every move was calculated. It was a lie. From what she ate to where she went on vacation to faking her own children’s illnesses.

It was all just to get attention.

She craved love, acceptance and attention — and she lied to get it. Constantly. She even took her three week old baby to the hospital and said she stopped breathing. She was willing put her own child through a very painful, needless, and dangerous spinal tap to diagnose something that wasn’t there– all for ATTENTION.

The worst part of the story? Lisa confessed that no matter what she did, she DID NOT feel any guilt.

This is typical of a pathological liar. She confessed that when she looks at people, she doesn’t “see them”.

I have known the fury of a pathological liar. They are the masters of “ice cold” callousness.

Oprah had on a psychologist to address this woman and while I agreed with much of what she had to say — that pathological liars hate themselves, are insecure deep down to the core, and that nothing is ever good enough for them so hence they lie to disguise it — I disagreed with one of her core beliefs — that pathological liars can be “cured” with the right treatment.

How can you cure and teach a human being to have two of the most fundamental emotions: empathy and compassion?

You simply can’t do that — no matter what treatment you offer. You simply can’t teach an emotion. It must be there from birth or you have a serious physical flaw — perhaps deep in the brain — that we haven’t yet discovered. That’s my personal opinion, anyway.

Be Politically Correct or Be honest?

/in /by

It’s not a toss-up for most people. Most people don’t even give it a second thought. When it comes to being politically correct or being honest, hands down they choose to be politically correct.

Is it because it is the easy thing to do? Or, perhaps the most comfortable?

As a society, I think the lack of honesty isn’t helping us but rather hurting us. It’s this politically correct culture that has made us off-kilter, off-balance and continues to help spiral us down. We are loosing touch with reality. People can’t handle honesty anymore!

I’ve discussed it with a few friends and inevitably I get resistance. You can’t be honest! How can you do it? You don’t want to hurt feelings. That’s the biggest reason people are politically correct: They don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings which inevitably they do when people see through them. Second, they fear that being honest will cause people to judge them. Most people don’t admit it but insecurity is another big factor.

Yet in an odd twist, you can balance the world of tact with honesty — and still be respected and not thought of as crazy. It’s not hard to do. Really!

I don’t place a high value on friendships that live in the politically correct world because I know when it comes down to it — and I really need to be told the truth — they’ll wince. To me a good friend will tell me like it is, if they truly care.

Just sadly, as a society we have thrown the truth out of the door, and people have forgotten how easy it is to be honest and yet tactful. It’s really a fine line…

So, here you go. How to be honest instead of politically correct.

Jane to Jennifer: Does my butt look good in these jeans?
Acceptable and honest answers from Jennifer when Jane’s butt does look big:
— Those are really cute pants but they aren’t the most flattering on you.
— I think you looked better in these. These are my favorite on you!
— You see how this is cut, it would make anyone look unflattering. How can they make such pants?

Bob calls Bill on the phone about a party he is having and Bill doesn’t want to go:
Hey Bill! I’m having a party Saturday. I’d love it if you’d come. Can you?
If you don’t like Bill and/or are trying to cool down the friendship or perhaps you have better things to do that day unfortunately, you don’t have to insult Bob. You can say the following which would be tactful yet truthful:
— I’m sorry, Bob. I have plans. (Period — don’t explain yourself!) Thanks for the invite. (This sends a loud message).
–At this time, I won’t be able to attend but thank you for thinking about me. Have fun on Saturday.

Good friend makes a strong comment out of the blue:
Sandra to you:
Those fat kids! Look at them! They are just white trash!

People can say shocking things. Don’t let them sting you. Put in your two cents with your own moral fiber and stand-up.

You:
Oh, I think they are cute kids. How can sweet innocent kids ever be considered white trash?? That’s just wrong. So, what were we saying about yoga?

Give your friend an out to think about what she just said. Don’t put her on the spot. Just tell her what you think — like she told you.

While these are only a few examples, you can see the line between being honest and politically correct — is a fine line. They are not far off from each other — it is just when you are honest instead of politically correct — you earn respect and can be trusted.

It all boils down to not insulting the person, but objectively responding to the behavior or action. You also don’t have to give an explanation or reasoning either. Being honest doesn’t mean divulging your entire belief system, nor does it mean you are being critical or judgmental.

Now isn’t that worth it to be honest?? You certainly don’t have to be brutal, and think: We wouldn’t have to see Jane running around in pants that make her butt look big anymore pretending that she looks good!

If you have a situation where you want to know how to be honest instead of politically correct, ask me! I’ll give you some suggestions.