Reading People
In order to see lies, you have to have the fundamental skill of understanding people: knowing what makes people tick, what makes them think and do what they do. I have always known, long before I knew I could see lies, that I understood people beyond what the average person could, innately — just lately I’ve started thinking about it more. I want to understand the degree to which I am unique.
Friday night, my husband and I were watching Crime & Punishment on MSNBC’s cable channel. For those of you not familiar with the show, it’s a type of documentary. In a one hour show, you are brought into a live courtroom trial. You are introduced to all the players and get to watch them throughout the trial. Often times, you get to see them talk and interact outside of the courtroom as well. I’m simply fascinated by it! I get to watch people which naturally is a big hobby of mine.
It was when I was watching an episode Friday night that I had a light bulb moment. My light bulb moment was this: When I see a new person — a stranger — I immediately have a framework for who they are — almost without thought. The way they dress, the way they carry themselves instantly gives me a frame of who they are even before any words are spoken.
I always knew I saw more than the average person when I heard a stranger say a few sentences, but I didn’t realize I see plenty before any words are spoken.
Then as stranger’s talk, they paint an elaborate picture for me (figuratively) that builds on my initial framework and in a very short time (a couple of minutes), I can tell you heaps about a person. The amount of information I can tell you often stuns people. That’s when people often suspect I am psychic (Arrrrgh! You know I am not). My talent lies in observation and understanding of human nature: pure and simple. It’s that basic.
Anyway, on Friday night, while watching the show, I stopped the tape and asked my husband what he could tell me about the two attorneys before him — the prosecutor and the defense attorney. I could discern so much from how they dressed, how they carried themselves, how they felt about the world around them, but could he? Could he see even a little of what I saw? After all, my husband is a very intelligent man. When it comes to math and science, I’m handicapped compared to him. In those areas, he’s my wizard!
Since my people-reading skills are the baseline skill to my ability to read lies, I was curious to know what my husband sees — as he represents an intelligent normal person.
I asked my husband if he gets an initial framework when he meets someone, or if he read into a person’s personality from minimal responses — and he confirmed it for me: when he looks at someone new, a stranger, he sees a blank slate. He doesn’t see what I see. Furthermore, he said when someone starts talking, he takes everything they say at face value — exactly as I had come to suspect.
Naturally, I don’t. I want to stress that I am this way because this is how I was born. I was not taught how to “read” people. I did not consciously sit down and study people. I just realized one day that I was different — that I understood people — and this is just part of it.
How about you? Do you get a framework, and then an elaborate painting like I do when you meet a stranger? Or do you see things at face value, like my husband?
Fast forward to dinner on Saturday night. Saturday night was my husband’s birthday — so my family all went out to dinner to celebrate. At the restaurant, my mom and I were talking about my light bulb moment on Friday. My mom sees it exactly as I do. My dad, however, confirmed that he doesn’t see what “we” see. He sees it like my husband.
With that, my mom and I took note of our waiter. We started talking about him. He was bright-eyed and quick. His service was exceptional. He was friendly. He was tall and clean-cut. He was well dressed. He was confident in how he carried himself. He had the mannerisms of someone who will succeed in life. In these few clues, you can derive a lot of information — without any words being spoken.
As the waiter took our order, I watched him. But it was when the waiter was picking up the plates from our appetizer when my mom said, “Boy, that was a lot of food — and we ate it all! Do you offer any free exercise plan with this?”
The waiter laughed, and said, “Yes, actually we do. We offer complimentary laps around the restaurant. We just ask that you go clockwise until you hear the whistle. When the whistle blows, change directions, please.”
My mom laughed, and said, “Do you provide tennis shoes too?” and the waiter said, “No, our preference is that you go barefoot.”
We all laughed and the waiter went on his way. His sense of humor showed that he was a quick thinker on his feet, and that he had excellent communication skills. Furthermore, his sense of humor validated the fact that he was a secure and confident individual. You could also discern that he knew how to put people at ease.
I volunteered to my family that I suspected this young man was working this job part-time in the evening for the money — but that he had full-time career during the day or was still studying at the college level. My mom and I both bantered back and forth about how this young man was going to be successful one day. He had what it takes to get ahead. It was clear for my mom and I to see — based on simple observations. We enjoyed conjecturing about this man.
My mom then wondered if he had gone to college. After we finished dinner, got up to leave and put on our coats, my mom said, “I’ve got to tell this guy if he hasn’t gone to college — he needs to. It will open doors for him!” As she started to approach the waiter, I tried to reach for her but I missed. I wanted to say to my mom that he may have already graduated from the looks of his age (perhaps 21) — but my mom was out of grasp.
When she approached the waiter, and told him he needed to go to college because he had a bright future, the waiter responded back that he had just graduated, and that this was only a part-time job. He explained he was working full-time during the day for a magazine — pursuing his career.
The guy beamed that my mom noticed him and complimented him.
It was thrilling for me to get the feedback that my observations and understanding of people can be so accurate. But naturally, they have to be for me to see lies as much as I do. Understanding people is my baseline skill — or rather an inborn ability — seeing lies is a tributary of it. It’s just who I am…
What do you see when you meet a stranger?