The Dentist and The Beautician

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My father went to a new dentist that was recommended by two people to get a crown. My family and I have been on a quest to find a good and honest dentist for months and months now. We finally had our hopes up that this time, maybe, we got one!

On the first two visits to the dentist, my dad seem pleased. His tooth was prepared for the crown, and all was going well.

Then yesterday, my dad went to get the new crown cemented in. He was happy to have the procedure behind him. But within the hour after leaving, he called my mom and I who were visiting during his absence. He called to say the dentist has changed his mind, and had decided he wanted to put a gold crown in instead of a porcelain crown because gold would be more durable, if my dad agreed.

Read moreMy mom was immediately on alert that something was fishy, and asked if the price was going to go up. My dad assured her it wouldn’t. The dentist said the price would be the same.

One would assume that my dad would be getting a better deal then, would you? Gold is a premium product.

Well, after my mom hung up, her wheels were spinning. She looked at me, and said something is up! There is some dirty business going on here. He was supposed to get his crown put on today, and now they are changing his order. What’s up with that? This doesn’t make sense.

Did they forget to order his crown?

Are they going to raise the price on him, and not tell him? What is going on??

My mom was visibly annoyed. This dentist wasn’t being honest, and she knew it.

We sat there, and talked about it–wondering what my dad was going to tell us when he came home. We waited for my dad to return quickly since they were changing the order, but he didn’t. Instead, he returned two hours later, so we were really curious!

When my dad walked through the door, and talked, we could tell his mouth was numb by the slurring of his speech. The dentist re-drilled around his tooth again. Obviously, there were issues, but did his dentist tell him this? My mom and I asked.

“No, he just changed the plan,” said my dad. “The dentist told me my bite is hard [which the dentist knew weeks ago], and so he decided I should have a gold crown instead.”

My mom said, “This dentist isn’t being honest, and I don’t know why, but I don’t like him!! I don’t like what he is doing!”

Mom my was going to think it through until it all made sense. You could see her wheels spinning. My dad, however, just wants to trust people, so he was getting visibly annoyed at my mom. He didn’t want to hear the truth. My mom and I are not easy to live with. We often see problems where others see none.

I immediately got on the web, and searched for gold crowns versus porcelain. Guess what I found? Gold crowns, while they are more solid than porcelain, are on average 20% cheaper!!! But this dentist didn’t offer my dad any discounts in the price he was to pay. Hell no. Instead, he told my dad that he changed his mind due to my dad’s hard bite which made no sense after the crown was supposedly already ordered!!

No dentist would change the order after it was supposed to already be delivered because he would be out money to switch the order after the fact, and hence he would transfer that cost to my dad, and he wasn’t. So that was the big red flag.

What my mom and I suspect happened is that this dentist messed up the work he did the first time, and when he sent the impression to the lab for the crown to be made, the lab rejected it.

But instead of telling my dad honestly that they needed to make a few more corrections, he decided to lie to my dad and tell him a made up story. And he made my dad endure more drilling and more pain. The nerve of this guy!!

Had my mom and I been in that chair, tensions would have risen because we would have questioned his inconsistencies on the spot! His version of events, if true, that he simply changed his mind, wouldn’t have required more drilling. We would have stopped him on the spot, and said wait a minute! We probably would have found an egotistical man, and walked out.

A simple statement of “We need to make a few more corrections” wouldn’t likely have alerted anyone to a problem, and he could have saved his reputation. Instead, he got cheap and wanted my dad to foot the bill for his mistake and in the end shot himself in the foot! Not very bright, if you ask me. We certainly aren’t going back to this guy. He just lost an entire family of business!!

Rewind 18 Hours

My husband went to get a haircut. He came home, and after dinner when he turned around, I noticed the shavers had buzzed off a big section of hair in the center of his hairline! You couldn’t miss it.

I said, “Turn around. What happened here?” My husband looked left, and looked right and said “What?? What’s wrong?” very aware that he couldn’t see the offending problem.

My husband ran and got a mirror, and stood before another one, twisting and turning until he saw what I saw.

Clearly, the guy cutting his hair got distracted, or slipped, and took of a lot more hair in the middle of his hairline then on the sides. My husband’s hairline looked like this __^^^__. You couldn’t miss it. While the middle wasn’t gone, it was thinned out more than 50%, and a big visible eye sore.

My poor husband was mortified, but quickly shucked it off as there was nothing he could do. My mom joked on the phone he should tell everyone it is the new French Doo as she laughed. My husband didn’t find it funny at all, and went back to the shop.

The owner is the one who cut his hair, and the owner’s wife was at the desk when he came in. She offered to fix the problem upon review, but my husband knew the fix would be to shave his hair another inch up his neckline. He declined telling her that would look awful. Then she said she’d talk to her husband about a refund. She went to the back, behind closed doors, returned, and said he was on the phone, but they would give my husband a refund. The guy who cut his hair never came out, and acknowledge it, and my husband has been a loyal, returning customer.

I’m sorry, but after you do this to a customer, I can’t imagine too many phone calls that should take a priority. Was this man just giving my husband an excuse so he didn’t have to face him?

If you make a mistake, fess up for Pete’s sake. We are all human, and we all make mistakes, and that’s okay!! Had he apologized to my husband when he did it, my husband might not have been happy, but he would have understood. Or better, he could have come out when my husband was back at the salon complaining, and acknowledged it, and apologized, but he didn’t. That’s just poor business ethics. I have no idea now where this guy will draw the line.

All this beautician had to do was come out, look at the problem and say, “Oh my. That’s awful. I’m terribly sorry.” He didn’t have to go into anymore detail. But instead of doing that, he ignored it, and frankly lost another family of customers!

Both of these professional men in the twenty four hours leave a bitter taste in my mouth, and feelings of distrust. These men were both willing to deny the truth, and skirt around the issue rather than face it which tarnishes their character, if you ask me. While they only made a mistake, which is completely excusable and forgivable, their unwillingness to face the music, and try to properly rectify the situation only complicates matters, and makes their situation even worse.

No one expects an elaborate defense for a simple mistake. Mistakes happen. We all do them. A simply apology goes a long way.

Is it really worth to deny a mistake? I personally don’t think so. I’d much prefer to offer a genuine, heart-felt and sincere apology, and if you can’t accept it, that is no longer my problem anymore, is it? I did the absolute best I could, and I can live with it.

Resume Lies: Is It Worth It?

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MSN published an article today which tells the story of how one hard working young woman sabotaged her own career by lying on her resume. Her lies didn’t get caught right away, instead they were discovered by accident right before she was about to be offered a nice promotion. Ouch!

Tone-of-Voice and Voice Inflection Clues

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Another clue to deception that I have consciously honed into lately is tone-of-voice and voice inflection. Take, for instance, the word “Hello”.

When you answer the phone, and you don’t know who it is, you say “Hello?” as a question.

When you greet a neighbor, for instance, you would say it as a subtle statement or greeting. Hello.

Yet there are other times when you say the word when someone does something silly, or ridiculous, perhaps without thought. You might say in your mind, “What were you thinking??! And then verbalize: Helll-lo! It’s a much stronger statement in this scenario. The inflection of the voice here is most notably different compared to the other two uses.

Yet all three are distinctly different. Try saying them and listening to yourself as you say them:

Hello? Hello. Hello!

Who knew that one word has different voice inflections—which cause the tone of one’s voice to vary when spoken—all depending on the meaning intended. You can exaggerate all of these as well and they will vary, depending on the circumstance used. I suspect we know about this, but we haven’t given it much thought, although we should. There are interesting implications to tone-of-voice and voice inflection.

It is precisely these distinctions that can clue me into people who are deceptive. When someone isn’t confident about something they are saying, or they are making their story up as they speak, some people will attempt to make a statement, but they will say it, unintentionally, as a question, if only through inflection and tone of voice. It’s rather interesting. It’s subtle; unless you focus, you may not catch it. I think many people miss these clues.

The worst offenders in this situation will often hesitate in their thinking, and their hesitation causes them to reaffirm what they just said by saying directly afterward, “Yeah, that’s right”, even though no one asked them for affirmation. It’s quite fascinating and telling at the same time.

Well, that’s all. Just crazy knowledge from deep within my brain that I am now becoming hyper-sensitive to. Who knew?

Observe yourself: You might be surprised by what you learn!

Confronting a liar

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Each week, a handful of users come to my blog because they are searching for answers to their relationship problems.

I often see search strings like this on my statistics page:

  • Should I confront a liar?
  • How do I spot a liar?
  • Is he/she lying to me?

So with that, I would like to direct people to a great website, Truth About Deception: An Honest Look at Deception, Love and Romance, which provides fabulous information for people struggling with issues in relationships.

I highly recommend this website.

Some Explaining To Do…

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Last night, my husband and I went to return some gifts we had purchased for my parents for Christmas. We arrived at the store about three minutes before 7 p.m. As we pulled up to the front door, we saw they closed at 7 p.m.

My husband quickly bolted out of the car into the cold and dashed for the trunk. I quickly ran around to help him stack the two items so he could go in without me. He struggled for the door but managed to get it open before I could help him and then he disappeared amongst the customers.

I told him on the ride down that I would wait in the car. He had the receipts. The items were as we purchased them so I didn’t anticipate any problems. While I hadn’t specifically told him, the receipt clearly said 100% satisfaction or your money back.

I sat in the car and waited. I waited and watched as another customer was serviced before my husband. Then I saw him at the counter waiting and next thing he comes back out with the receipt as he normally would. However, as he walked towards me, I sensed something was up. I don’t know why. Perhaps I saw slight indications in my husband’s walk that he was agitated. If so, it was subconsciously registering because I didn’t see anything in particular that I can tell you about. It was just a feeling I got.

He got into the car as normal and I quickly asked him, “Did everything go okay? Did you get the refund?” He started the car, handed me the receipt and starts to pull out.

Out came the truth. “No, I didn’t.”

I’m like, huh?

Hubby: The sales guy told me that he needs a manager to make the return. I wasn’t happy but what could I do? He told me to come back another time. So instead, I left the items and told him to call us to make the return. I didn’t want him to have the receipt so I made him make a copy.

Me: What? You left the goods (at this time we are already a block down the road!)? Did you get something from him in writing that says this?

Hubby: No. I knew I was supposed to do something — so I had him right it down. I couldn’t think of what I should do?!

Me: He wrote it down and kept it. How does that help US? ((deep sigh of frustration! ))

Hubby was pissed at this time and threatened to turn around and go back. I told him that this guy sniffed him– and didn’t want to be bothered to do the return a few minutes before closing — so he pushed him off with a lie. And going back in now wasn’t going to help. For one they were closed and for two, he could deny everything. The damage was done. He knew you bought into his story. It was “clearly” a story. I knew this guy could do a return. I just wasn’t buying it.

I told him if I had gone in, I would have demanded he CALL A MANAGER! I would have read the return policy on the receipt and I would have nit-picked him about how odd it is a store would only issue a return at random times! I would have called him on his lie. Flat out. I would have turned up the pressure so fast, he would have made the return!.

The hubby knew it too. So he said to me, “That is why you should have done it!”

I shot back — I just hope we get our money back tomorrow and we don’t have some B.S. argument on our hands. This guy could take the goods and we could get screwed with a bill and no product now too!!

Well, thankfully, we didn’t get screwed. We got our money back. The store owner called and I got a big chuckle. After I talked to him, I called the husband and told him what the owner told me. The first thing the owner said is why am I giving you this credit now? You didn’t have your credit card number on you last night?

This painted a visual picture in my head:

The sales guy didn’t want to bother making the return — as I suspected. Instead he wanted to close the shop quickly and so he thwarted my husband with a really pathetic lie.

To cover his ass, he wrote a note for the store owner in the morning. “Please call these people and give them credit. You need their credit card number as they didn’t have the card on them last night when they made a return.”

What a liar he was!!

My husband feels duped this morning. The poor guy. I do feel bad for him but he needs to demand what is his and his right. Then again, maybe I need to accept that people don’t see what I see. However when 1+1=3 — Houston, we have a problem.

The employee who lied to my husband is named Jake. I can tell you one thing: Jake is going to have a lot of explaining to do today. I told the store owner the crap he put my husband through and let it be known we were not happy to be treated this way.

At first the store owner tried to defend Jake, and then before we hung up he said he was sorry and could not offer a valid reason for such treatment.

I suspect Jake will be looking for a new job today or will not have the best of days. Truly a bummer for Jake. He picked the wrong customer to lie to.