Reeva Steenkamp feared Oscar Pistorius
Did you read the latest news? Reeva texted Oscar: “I’m scared of you sometimes and how you snap at me and how you will act towards me.”
She also texted the week before her murder: “I can’t be attacked by outsiders for dating you, and by you.”
I didn’t believe Oscar Pistorius from day one when he released his statement to the media. It clearly told us what the truth was then when we analyzed it. Now, with the trial, we get the facts to support what we saw.
Fascinating, isn’t it? And yet so very tragic.
Yet more damning information on his character and the nature of their relationship. Women can have a difficult time recognizing abuse in their own relationships, especially in the first phase when things are more exciting and romantic. I feel so badly for what she went through and to have things escalate so quickly….it’s important to remember that certain relationships can be deadly and if you see the signs of this as she did it is critical to back away as quickly as possible.
Sadly, we tend to “want” to believe so very much – and disregard our own intuition – especially, during the honeymoon period of a relationship
Yet more damning information on his character and the nature of their relationship. Women can have a difficult time recognizing abuse in their own relationships, especially in the first phase when things are more exciting and romantic. I feel so badly for what she went through and to have things escalate so quickly….it’s important to remember that certain relationships can be deadly and if you see the signs of this as she did it is critical to back away as quickly as possible.
Oh, he’s going to take the stand? That should be interesting.
Is he? I read the post as now that we have the trial, we have more than hearsay and media reports– we get to hear and see each side’s version of events.
Oh, maybe I should watch the video before commenting; maybe it’s in there. LOL
Yup! That’s what I get for commenting prematurely!
At least you are entertaining as always Keith.
Oh, he’s going to take the stand? That should be interesting.
Is he? I read the post as now that we have the trial, we have more than hearsay and media reports– we get to hear and see each side’s version of events.
Oh, maybe I should watch the video before commenting; maybe it’s in there. LOL
Yup! That’s what I get for commenting prematurely!
At least you are entertaining as always Keith.
His lawyer, of course, will focus on the other part of the paragraph that seemed to me, in essence to say, “but I still love you”, kind of thing.
His lawyer, of course, will focus on the other part of the paragraph that seemed to me, in essence to say, “but I still love you”, kind of thing.
They also said that over 90% of the texts between the two were “loving”. Perhaps it’s more useful to acknowledge that relationships are not simply one thing or another. Reeva feared some aspects of his behaviour, but clearly not Oscar himself.
Oh my. I don’t care if 99 percent is rainbows and flowers and puppies… if one percent is murderous rage, THAT’s the percent that counts.
They also said that over 90% of the texts between the two were “loving”. Perhaps it’s more useful to acknowledge that relationships are not simply one thing or another. Reeva feared some aspects of his behaviour, but clearly not Oscar himself.
Oh my. I don’t care if 99 percent is rainbows and flowers and puppies… if one percent is murderous rage, THAT’s the percent that counts.
I guess I don’t understand how that is proof of murder. I’ve said similar things to partners over the years, when there’s no domestic abuse involved. You can feel attacked in conversation, you can feel afraid of being emotionally hurt by someone – these are normal things to feel in a relationship that isn’t a good fit for the two people involved. Also the tone of the texts sounds reasonable and aggravated – not terrified for her life.
Do you really have texts between a person that say those words? I highly doubt it. Each word has significance. It’s not the disagreements between them. She says some pretty powerful things, but you have to pay close attention.
I guess I don’t understand how that is proof of murder. I’ve said similar things to partners over the years, when there’s no domestic abuse involved. You can feel attacked in conversation, you can feel afraid of being emotionally hurt by someone – these are normal things to feel in a relationship that isn’t a good fit for the two people involved. Also the tone of the texts sounds reasonable and aggravated – not terrified for her life.
Do you really have texts between a person that say those words? I highly doubt it. Each word has significance. It’s not the disagreements between them. She says some pretty powerful things, but you have to pay close attention.
The problem with the “But 90% of the time they were a loving couple” argument is that during the remaining 10% of the time he brutally killed her.
His ridiculous story is clearly BS and I hope Oscar Pistorius gets a life sentence for Reeva’s senseless death.
edieinberlin, I’m not saying Pistorius is innocent. Rather, I’m pointing out the flaw in the declaration that Reeva “feared” Oscar as the headline on this blog entry does. If Reeva was purely scared of Oscar, she wouldn’t have gone to his house that evening. And if they did indeed have an argument, it’s doubtable that a woman scared of her boyfriend would not risk provoking his anger while alone with him in the middle of the night.
I believe it would be more accurate to say he exhibited SOME behaviour on SOME occasions that scared/worried/bothered her, but she was not afraid of the man himself. It’s important to be accurate and not generalize when it comes to human behaviour, which is complicated and can be inconsistent. Otherwise, headlines such as this one do nothing to help the public.
I have to wholeheartedly disagree. I’ve been in a situation like Reeva with someone who scared me and at times you go into denial, excuse it and say to yourself its not that bad, he wouldn’t do anything to me, etc. That’s how people get killed every day….
But isn’t this projecting ?
I think you are projecting your behavior onto Reeva. Yes. People do have relationships with people they fear every day, but they go into denial and tell themselves it can’t be that bad and push away the warning signals.
Thanks for your replies …. I’ve not been in Reeva’s situation or one resembling it so no, I am not projecting my own behaviour.
I do think it’s important to distinguish between someone fearing a person in entirety as opposed to being scared of some of his behaviour. I’m concerned with accuracy, in journalism or personal thoughts.
So true.
I have experienced this as well!
But she did fear him, she said so explicitly, “I’m scared of u sometimes”. She did say “sometimes”, but she didn’t not say she feared him.
Think about all the people you’ve ever met in your life. No doubt a few of them scared you “sometimes”, but the vast majority probably never scared you at all, and that’s key.
If someone scares you sometimes, if some of their behavior scares you, it’s worth paying attention to it 100% of the time, because of all the people who never scare you at all. And it’s precisely because of what you stated here– “when it comes to human behavior, which is complicated and inconsistent”. This is why it’s useful to pay attention when you fear someone “sometimes”, because fearing them at another time is only a matter of changing variables. You may fear them one time because of something they say or do to someone else. Change those variables a bit, and it may be you the next time that becomes the target and the reason to fear them.
In light of what actually happened, while she may not have feared Pistorius outright all the time, it certainly would have benefited her if she had, would it not?
That’s why it’s not wrong to write that she feared him, because she did, and she should have. That’s why it helps the public to write headlines like these when they’re true. That’s why it’s important to understand the links between behavior that causes you to fear someone “sometimes” and the potential result of dismissing that fear.
It might not LOOK like a warning sign that someone might some day kill or harm you or someone else, but it is– it’s only a matter of the variables coming into that alignment. Is it worth your life to bet on that not happening? Or would it be better for a person you fear to get the help they need so that they no longer engage in the kinds of behaviors that cause others to fear them?
Bear in mind that more than 30% of all females murdered (in the U.S. alone) are murdered by their spouse or intimate partner. 1 in 3. 64% are murdered by their intimate partner, a family member, or someone they know. As few as 8.8% (because 27% are undetermined or unsolved) of women murdered are murdered by strangers, or people they don’t fear. And those numbers only reflect the ones who die, not the ones who are attacked or seriously injured but survive.
If you fear everyone, or most people, then the problem may be with you. If you only fear a few people, the problem is likely not you, but them. Always pay attention to it.
What an excellent explanation Keith. You know how to explain the logical details as to why the (small?) percentage of times you get scared by someone, should be the biggest alarm bells you have.
Great read as always Keith.
The problem with the “But 90% of the time they were a loving couple” argument is that during the remaining 10% of the time he brutally killed her.
His ridiculous story is clearly BS and I hope Oscar Pistorius gets a life sentence for Reeva’s senseless death.
edieinberlin, I’m not saying Pistorius is innocent. Rather, I’m pointing out the flaw in the declaration that Reeva “feared” Oscar as the headline on this blog entry does. If Reeva was purely scared of Oscar, she wouldn’t have gone to his house that evening. And if they did indeed have an argument, it’s doubtable that a woman scared of her boyfriend would not risk provoking his anger while alone with him in the middle of the night.
I believe it would be more accurate to say he exhibited SOME behaviour on SOME occasions that scared/worried/bothered her, but she was not afraid of the man himself. It’s important to be accurate and not generalize when it comes to human behaviour, which is complicated and can be inconsistent. Otherwise, headlines such as this one do nothing to help the public.
I have to wholeheartedly disagree. I’ve been in a situation like Reeva with someone who scared me and at times you go into denial, excuse it and say to yourself its not that bad, he wouldn’t do anything to me, etc. That’s how people get killed every day….
But isn’t this projecting ?
I think you are projecting your behavior onto Reeva. Yes. People do have relationships with people they fear every day, but they go into denial and tell themselves it can’t be that bad and push away the warning signals.
Thanks for your replies …. I’ve not been in Reeva’s situation or one resembling it so no, I am not projecting my own behaviour.
I do think it’s important to distinguish between someone fearing a person in entirety as opposed to being scared of some of his behaviour. I’m concerned with accuracy, in journalism or personal thoughts.
But she did fear him, she said so explicitly, “I’m scared of u sometimes”. She did say “sometimes”, but she didn’t not say she feared him.
Think about all the people you’ve ever met in your life. No doubt a few of them scared you “sometimes”, but the vast majority probably never scared you at all, and that’s key.
If someone scares you sometimes, if some of their behavior scares you, it’s worth paying attention to it 100% of the time, because of all the people who never scare you at all. And it’s precisely because of what you stated here– “when it comes to human behavior, which is complicated and inconsistent”. This is why it’s useful to pay attention when you fear someone “sometimes”, because fearing them at another time is only a matter of changing variables. You may fear them one time because of something they say or do to someone else. Change those variables a bit, and it may be you the next time that becomes the target and the reason to fear them.
In light of what actually happened, while she may not have feared Pistorius outright all the time, it certainly would have benefited her if she had, would it not?
That’s why it’s not wrong to write that she feared him, because she did, and she should have. That’s why it helps the public to write headlines like these when they’re true. That’s why it’s important to understand the links between behavior that causes you to fear someone “sometimes” and the potential result of dismissing that fear.
It might not LOOK like a warning sign that someone might some day kill or harm you or someone else, but it is– it’s only a matter of the variables coming into that alignment. Is it worth your life to bet on that not happening? Or would it be better for a person you fear to get the help they need so that they no longer engage in the kinds of behaviors that cause others to fear them?
Bear in mind that more than 30% of all females murdered (in the U.S. alone) are murdered by their spouse or intimate partner. 1 in 3. 64% are murdered by their intimate partner, a family member, or someone they know. As few as 8.8% (because 27% are undetermined or unsolved) of women murdered are murdered by strangers, or people they don’t fear. And those numbers only reflect the ones who die, not the ones who are attacked or seriously injured but survive.
If you fear everyone, or most people, then the problem may be with you. If you only fear a few people, the problem is likely not you, but them. Always pay attention to it.
What an excellent explanation Keith. You know how to explain the logical details as to why the (small?) percentage of times you get scared by someone, should be the biggest alarm bells you have.
Great read as always Keith.