Science Says 7 Factors Predict Divorce
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MSN has an interesting article today about elements in relationships that can predict a higher divorce rate. I think it is a good article.
I have a horrible knack for watching people and seeing the signs that predict divorce. I have predicted many before their time, and its awkward and uncomfortable to know two people are not heading down the right path. You can’t exactly knock on their door, or start a conversation with, “hey, just so you know, the way you two went at each other at dinner the other night, it’s a bad sign. There is a lack of boundaries and respect.” You know?
If you find you have one of these seven factors, see if there is something you can do to change your marriage. Do you stonewall your partner? Shut down when you have fights? If you find an element, see if you can take the steps to fix it and reduce your odds!!
Happy 2018! I do plan to blog more in the coming year, I promise. I’ve had a lull and I hope it to pick it back up!!
Before I even started reading the Eight Factors, I was going to just start typing about John Gottman. However, I started reading first, and found that his work was included anyhow!!!
My wife and I went through his seminar and counseling. Excellent. Life saver.
What the article doesn’t point out, is that his studies had couples hooked up to heart monitors. This allowed him to discover through observation, that once a spouse’s heart rate reached 97 bpm (or something like that), they are in such a state of ‘adrenaline’ that any rational idea coming their way is not even possible to be processed.
If you’re above 97 bpm, you need to go to separate rooms, and come back when the pulse is back to sanity-ville.
This concept was KEY! Especially, because there’s also an addictive quality to “operating” in that pumped up zone, that has more to do with feeling a rush in an otherwise uneventful life, than it does with truly wanting to hear or resolve anything: at least, that’s what we’ve experienced.
We started dating at work (strike against us) at 34/30 years old, quit our jobs, put stuff in storage, went on a 10 month 17 country trip trip around the world (strikes?), engaged after 9 years of dating (strikes?) married about 5 years later at 48/44 years old (strikes against us) (it was each of our first marriages–likelihood of getting married for the first time over 40 very unlikely I hear) and at 56 and 52, still going strong 😀
Great article, Eyes!