Feeling Your Emotions

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scream and shout
Copyright by mdanys

Every now and then it just feels good to sit down and have a real hard cry, doesn’t it?  Or maybe, if you are a guy reading this, perhaps for you it feels really good to just blow off some steam and release it by hitting a punching bag or screaming really loud?

Can you relate?

When you have a really bad day at work, do you keep it to yourself or do you share it with people?  It’s certainly not politically correct to go around the office complaining about your boss (nor would I recommend it), but do you vent your feelings to a confidant?    And when you do vent, do you feel it is a productive process, or do your complaints just yield the usually consolation of “Things will get better tomorrow.  Smile, you’ll be okay.”?  When you get the latter, it is often very frustrating, isn’t it?

Over the years, I have noticed a trend where we as a society are shunning emotional responses more and more. We seem to want to make everything better and send only the best wishes for a perfect world, when we live in anything but a perfect world.  Nothing makes me more insane than saying everything will be fine when it clearly is not.

Don’t confuse my message, I don’t support having an emotional tantrum. I am talking about having a natural release of emotions at an appropriate time.

Our emotions have many purposes and one of the most important is to motivate us to effect change!  But change will only come if we allow ourselves to feel the emotion before us and express it (when appropriate, of course).

When friends come to us in confidence, its important to promote that its okay to feel what you are feeling, to let it out and express it.   Expressing an emotion will allow us to own it, work through it and consider how we can change things.  Shunning our emotions will only cause us to feel more misunderstood and frustrated.

So the next time you have a friend who is angry, think twice about offering optimism and positivity in the general sense it is usually offered, which typically doesn’t promote change. Instead ask the person, what made you feel this way?  Is there anything you could have done differently?  Is there anything you can do differently in the future?  How can you use this experience to promote or effect change?

I think we’d do much better as a society looking at the source of our emotions and addressing how we feel rather than offering generic optimistic advice.  And while optimistic advise has a time and a purpose, I think we are far over using it.  I almost feel like we can’t handle people expressing emotions in a true and sincere and non-threatening way anymore. We just want them to go away and be happy.

Do you agree?

In the news…

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I was reading the news tonight and I saw this photo of Matthew Warren.  He was the son of the well known Evangelical pastor Rick Warren. He has sadly committed suicide.

When I saw this photo, I was immediately taken back. Was this photo was given to the media by his family’s church?  Credit in the media goes to Saddleback Church.   I couldn’t help but wonder who took the photo because Matthew is clearly displaying contempt at the person taking the photo.  Contempt is a dislike, a disdain.

Had they known this and were able to verbalize that he felt this way, could the people in his life have dug deeper to find out why he felt the way he did?  Perhaps he felt alone and misunderstood.  I suspect they didn’t know that this is what this photo demonstrated because if they had, would it made it out to the media? 

Perhaps this is a wake up call for all of us to explore when someone feels such a strong emotion towards someone.  Why they are feeling it? Can we open up dialogue?  Can we help?  Can we dig deeper and try to understand?  Could it help a person on the brink?  Perhaps.

I’m not saying that people didn’t care or probe for Matthew.  The church says he had mental issues and suicidal thoughts.  They may very well have probed, but it gives you pause when you see this expression to consider it next time someone expresses contempt at you.  Why are they feeling this way?  Can you help them?

Of course, contempt can have many sources for its expression and many may not be any concern at all and there may be nothing you can do, but next time I see it in someone who is disconnected, it will give me pause.  Are they truly okay?

The Expression of Sadness

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Madonna Badger talks about the day she lost her three children and her parents in a house fire.  She expresses genuine sadness.

The expression of an emotion alone does not reveal if someone is honest or not.  Emotions only tell us how someone is feeling, but it doesn’t tell us why they feel the way they do.  A person can be sad for a variety of reasons, which can support truth or deception.

Scream your heart out!

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This is a fun video to watch.  A man set up a photo booth and asked people to go inside and scream as loud as they could. He only recorded it if they screamed. 

From the website PSFK:

Photographer Billy Hunt’s Screamotron3000 is rigged to only take photos when people scream, exploring their vanity and self-perception.

It’s fascinating to watch people because when they scream, you feel the intensity of the situation, and then a lot of them show interesting facial expressions afterwards.  What do you see?

I plan to get the blog going again this week.  Being gone last week, I have some catching up to do.  Bear with me, please!

Thanks, Leon!

The Emotionless Face of Botox

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If you caught Anderson yesterday, he had a woman on who suffered from serious over-kill with Botox. Her face is literally frozen.  I thought people would like to see what it looks like!

The sad reality is not only are her facial muscles frozen, so is her ability to FEEL emotions!  It’s true. And even worse, scientists have found it also impairs one’s ability to read these emotions on other people’s faces, too–which could be dangerous!

I find Botox makes people look icky.  In person, I can immediately pick up on the “dead pan” face of a Botox user.  They are dead to the world emotionally and it shows. I’d much prefer wrinkles, thank you!