Open Discussion: Tara McDonald, Tori Stafford

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Businesspeople in a Meeting

As many of you know, little Tori (Victoria) Stafford disappeared back in April. She simply never came home from school on Wednesday, April 8. Not long afterward, police found video surveillance of a little girl they believed to be Tori walking away from her school. She was walking with an unknown woman in a white puff coat. No one could identify the woman in the video, so the police released the surveillance footage to the public with hopes of solving the crime.

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Tori Stafford


Tori’s mother, Tara McDonald, who is divorced from her father, Rodney Stafford, went public to keep her daughter’s story in the news. She gave press conferences on nearly a daily basis for over a month. It didn’t take long before people became suspicious of Tara McDonald. On May 20, however, two people unrelated to Tori were arrested for her abduction and murder.

I thought it might be helpful for people to share their thoughts about why they didn’t believe Tara McDonald and to open up a dialogue so we can learn from this experience as many people doubted Tara’s sincerity.

When the story first broke, I was asked to give an opinion. I watched this video here and shared my thoughts. It was the end of April:

No hot spots for me at this time with regard to these videos, however, they don’t really say anything worthy of a lie here. However, their emotions are supportive that they are truly distressed and worried.

Then over the next few weeks, many more requests were made for me to review Tara McDonald, but because I was going through a difficult time personally, I didn’t draw any conclusions. I did not see any hot spots after reviewing many videos, but I just didn’t feel comfortable making a decision.

When I am emotional, I refrain from giving opinions out of fear my emotions will skew my judgment. I don’t always trust myself when my emotions run high, though I can honestly tell you that I did leaned towards trusting Tara.

In all the videos I watched, I only saw two oddities that were unusual, but didn’t necessarily indicate a lie on Tara’s behalf, hence I called them oddities and not hot spots:

  1. When Tara said she went to visit a mysterious benefactor, I thought it was strange when Tara told us how this mysterious benefactor had a lock of his or her child’s hair with them, and showed it to Tara. Who carries their deceased child’s hair around with them when they are traveling? It was a strange story. I also thought it was strange that Tara went in a limo to meet a total stranger, but it could have been plausible.
  2. In one of Tara’s press conferences, she talked about how the abduction of her daughter was so much harder than she ever envisioned it. Do most parents envision what it would be like if their child was abducted? It was odd.

Those were my thoughts and where I was in this scenario. What did you think of Tara McDonald? Did you trust her? What do you think now in hindsight that she was not arrested for her daughter’s murder? Did you learn anything from this experience?

What can we all learn from this experience?

* Please be respectful of all opinions shared. If you aren’t comfortable using your name, feel free to pick an alias. I will moderate any rude behavior. It will not be tolerated. In order to learn, we must all feel free to share our thoughts without ridicule.

A Look at Jon and Kate Plus 8

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Jon and Kate Gosselin throw birthday party for sextuplets in Pennsylvania

Over the months, many people have asked me what I think of “Jon and Kate Plus 8”. They are a couple with contrasting differences who spark strong opinions among us. When we watch the show, no matter who we are, we find ourselves taking sides.

Read moreMany people are fed up with Kate’s antics and want to give her a lashing for all the verbal bashing she has given to Jon. They sympathize with Jon and the predicament his is in, after all he’s the errand boy for Kate when her plans fall short. Let’s face it, many people want Kate to knock it off and get off her high horse and just love Jon for Jon already. She has a great husband, they’d tell us, and she doesn’t appreciate him like she should. Some people have even resorted to calling Kate a narcissist.

Yet on the flip side, there is a crowd (who I suspect is the smaller of the two) who admire Kate’s strong demeanor and no-guff approach to life. They’d tell us she says it like it is, and that she isn’t afraid of anyone. She tackles any challenge head-on with guts and gets the job done, which is more than anyone can say about Jon. She isn’t a shrinking violet. More than that, this group would argue, Kate helps Jon find his place in the family, whereas otherwise he would wander aimlessly helping no one, clueless of what to do next.

So when news breaks like this that Jon is having an affair, you likely take sides with your favorite personality–the one you relate to the most. That’s natural, but if you step back and look at the two of them without any emotional or situational biases, you’d be surprised at the road map they have given us to see the truth (in general terms) just by observing them.

While Kate has an in-your-face approach to life, there is one thing you can garner from her behavior. You will always know where you stand with Kate. If you upset Kate, she’ll likely dish it to you firsthand. And if you make her happy, you can be pretty sure that she’ll come bearing all smiles. Kate says it like it is and with that approach, she really doesn’t have any reason to hide. You are likely going to get the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth–even when it is painful and hurts. That’s part of the package.

People who lay it all out there usually have a very difficult time lying because their emotions are written all over their face. They aren’t used to holding anything back.

Jon, on the other hand, while he is much softer and sweeter in character, isn’t always able to face situations directly. He is prone to frustration and emotional bouts where he has to withdrawal because he is unable to cope. Jon hates confrontation and will often do things just to avoid it instead of dealing with the facts head-on, like Kate. When Jon and Kate get into arguments, you often see Jon walk away from the camera mumbling, unable to hear what he really thinks.

This is not to say that Jon is a bad guy, because he absolutely is not (as Jon has different and equally valuable strengths), but when it comes to honesty, which person would you trust? The person who says it to your face, or “nice guy” who avoids you when he doesn’t like what you are saying?

Which person is likely to lash out behind someone’s back when they are feeling sad, mad or vulnerable? Which person is likely to face the situation head-on and talk about it instead of run from their problems and create more?

You tell me…

To see more of my thoughts on Jon’s denial that he cheated, click here.

48 Hours: Renee Ohlemacher

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Here are my thoughts from last night’s 48 Hours. This show original ran in November 2008.

What did you think of the show?

48 Hours Tonight

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The Mortgage and The Murder

Watch a preview here.

Check back for my thoughts of tonight’s episode next week!

*This show is a re-run from last November.

Nathan Gann and Brae Hansen

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Both Nathan Gann and Brae Hansen give me pause when they tell their stories, even after they admit to involvement. Many of you commented on what you saw as deceptions in Brae’s 911 call, and you did a great job! You didn’t leave much left for me to say, but here are a few of my thoughts.

Read morePlease realize we know this 911 call is deceptive, so I am looking at it as if we didn’t know the truth, to show you all the hot spots to deception:

  1. Brae says, “I think we’ve been robbed and my Dad’s been shot.” What is fascinating about this is that there is no urgency on Brae’s part to save her dad. Did you notice? The order of things often points to the importance of things. If Brae wanted her dad to live, she would have begged the 911 operator for help for her dad before discussing anything else. She would have also likely gone to his side and tried to help him, but instead we have to wait for the operator to ask Brae if her dad needs paramedics. It’s haunting and then she doesn’t say yes, she says “I think he is dead” without confirming that this is true. It’s chilling. Did she already know he was dead because they checked his pulse?
  2. When the 911 operator asked Brae what did the intruder say, Brae says, “He asked for the combination to the safe.” You would think she would have recollected more details here, point of references of where she was when she noticed the intruder, specific words he said, etc. The lack of detail is an immediate red flag.
  3. Again when 911 operator asks Brae “What did your dad do?” Brae says, “He just refused and then he shot him.” The word “just” stands out to me here. It’s a minimizer. It doesn’t fit the scenario. Also, Brae doesn’t give us any conversations or details. Again, it’s a red flag.
  4. When the 911 operator asks Brae, “Where is your dad right now?” listen to Brae’s response. The tone of her voice indicates frustration–almost annoyance. Isn’t frustration/annoyance an odd emotion to be feeling when her dad is lying on the floor in a pool of blood dead or dying? It’s like she is annoyed by all the questions from the 911 operator. Isn’t that odd?
  5. When the 911 operator asks Brae about the intruder and says, “So he didn’t take anything?” Brae first responds, “I don’t know.” Isn’t that interesting considering she first said they were robbed? It’s a big inconsistency. After a pause, she says, “He took my watch and my ring.” Would that make any sense for an intruder? If he ties them both up, wouldn’t he want more expensive items that just Brae’s watch? Why wouldn’t the intruder bug her for the safe combination? Ask her for jewelry? Steal her dad’s wallet? Her purse? It raises more red flags.
  6. Was Brae tied up to anything? If not, what intruder would just tie someone’s hands behind their back yet leave them free to wander?
  7. When the 911 operator asks Brae if she can tell if her dad is breathing, listen to the amount of time it takes before Brae answers. Clearly, Brae has no urgency whatsoever to get help. It’s chilling. It’s like she is thinking before she speaks and doesn’t know what to say. Then she finally pipes up and says, “I’m too far away to check.” If Brae wasn’t tied down to anything, this is an absolutely cold and callous response–a response of someone who doesn’t give a damn about the person lying on the floor. That’s for sure. If she was tied up, I would expect her to say, “I can’t get to him…please get here quickly” but she doesn’t do that either. Nothing Brae does shows compassion for her dead or dying step-father.

Returning back to Nathan, when he spoke in his police interrogation, his body language was less than supportive of his story. Furthermore, when I listened to the account of “convicted drug dealer” who testified against Nathan, I believe him for the most part. First, he talks about facts that pan out. Second, his account matches what the police know. He also knew that Nathan bought clothing at the Goodwill for which they have a receipt. This is very damning and worse, Nathan’s answer doesn’t hit me as sincere. Nathan says,”…But I don’t tell him anything. I never – this man is not all there. There’s no reason why I would trust or confide in this guy.”

If Nathan just wanted to shake up his step-father and scare him, then there would be absolutely no reason for him to have bought black clothes at the Goodwill, would there?

These two people were in cohoots to kill their step-father. There is no doubt about it. Brae may have had doubts during the killing, but in the end, she didn’t seem to show any regrets or desire to help her father immediately thereafter, did she? It’s very chilling.

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